On a Roll

I take great honor in knowing that I have what it takes to change a roll of toilet paper.  It must be something I inheirited from my mother, as she too was gifted in this department.  Not only can I change it but I can sense when  it's going to need to be changed....I know....amazing!  It's like having "the right stuff" without having to fly to the moon.  I don't think there is a badge awarded for this skill of mine but if there were I would iron that baby on pronto!  Not only am I able to accomplish this feat at home, I am able to help out my workplace and the community at large as well.  Yup...the roll always ends when I enter the room.  I'm just lucky that way I guess.  Last week my son and I were visiting one of our favorite thrift stores when my bladder started to swell.  I asked the shop owner where the nearest restroom was with the hopes that she'd say, "Oh we have one here!"...instead she replied, "Uh....um....the nearest one is at Church's Chicken."  With this in mind I did the only thing a girl could do...I kept shopping for bargains.  When I simply could not hold it any longer I politely told the shop owner that I wanted to keep shopping but that I would be leaving my pile of goods and my son behind to waddle across the street.  This worked because she immediately reached underneath her counter and pulled out a key on a stick and a 4-pack of toilet paper.  I sh** you not!  She proceeded to tell me that she hadn't had a chance to replenish the TP and hated for me to go back there without it (sweet lady).  I grabbed the package and the numchuck-looking key and raced to the rear ...of the store!  Like a fireman and a Navy Seal all wrapped in one I broke through the door, ripped apart the plastic, and, in mere  seconds I was on a roll!