What a Crock

I had this crazy notion that once I was at home for the summer I'd be able to live life the way I was intended.  I assumed I'd be able to wake up refreshed from all the lounging I did the day before.  I figured I'd actually sip my coffee for hours (instead of spilling it on me en route to work).  I just knew I'd do all of this ALONE while my TEENAGERS SLEPT LATE.  I know...I'm insane.  The problem with that diagnosis is that no will even come and take me away.  You see...it's "that time in MY life" where "time off" translates as "time to cater to my children's needs."  Who do they think they are expecting me to rise and shine TO AN ALARM on my days off?!  I certainly don't recall reading this fine print anywhere in the parenting manual the lactation nurse left in my custody all those years ago.  Come to think of it I don't recall much of anything anymore.  All I know is that I thought our schedule was frenetic and on the verge of emploding while school was in session.  Ha! 
For the past couple of weeks I've counted myself lucky if I left my house with at least some form of clothing on at least one part of it.  This is because my son wakes up BEFORE his chickens.  He exercises BEFORE my coffee pot even clicks on!  (I'm thinking of having him evaluated....something is not right....).
I love him dearly nonetheless...especially since he inherited every gene I don't have.  And have I mentioned that this strange beast is ALWAYS HUNGRY!  Yeah...'bout that....  
This is the ultimate kink in my chord.  How on Earth is one expected to prepare a meal ...a hearty meal...fit for a growing boy before he attends a strength and speed "camp" 4 days a week for a MONTH?!?  HOW?!  I haven't even had "my time" out on the porch sipping coffee and flipping magazine pages!  I haven't been able to "ease into my day."  I AM NOT AWAKE!  Gone are the "pour yourself some cereal" days.  So too are the "how about some toast and jelly?" mornings.  Now I am expected to turn on the stove and measure multiple ingredients, all before 7:00 in the morning...IN  THE SUMMER! What a crock!

UnHeard Of

Have you ever dreamt about eating tiny marshmallows in your bed? I did...only it turns out it wasn't a dream...sort of. Allow me...just the other night I "dreamt" that I had found a marshmallow in my bed, and not being able to turn down a fluffy ball of sweetness, I popped it into my mouth and began to chew. I can recall, in great sensory detail, the texture, the chewiness, and the weird realization that there was no flavor to be had-AT ALL! I think that is when I awoke straight away. I had immediately, thank heavens, realized that I was, in fact, chewing on one of the earplugs I wear at night to drown out all of the little noises that try to undermine my attempts at slumber. I shutter to think at what the outcome would have been had I actually digested the hot pink "marshmallow." I've been "plugged up" before...but...yikes!

Who Was That Masked Mama?

What may, at first appear to be a bra for my eyes, is actually an eye mask. I swear by it and can’t sleep without it these days. The fushia earplugs are an absolute must as well. Lately we have slept with the windows open so this means that the crows of the roosters are more of a surround sound experience than a muffled yell off in the distance. The earplugs help lessen the annoying sounds of the morning as well as that irritating squeak in the motor of the ceiling fan. The way this eye mask is designed I am able to open and close my eyes freely and still remain in the dark. This comes in very handy when taking naps in the middle of the day. It also helps block out the blinding light of the moon on those evenings when it is full.

That being said, the earplugs were no match for this morning's crow-fest. I would have sworn that our roosters were perched on the foot of my bed hell-bent on getting my attention; you would have thought they were trying to tell me that Timmy was in the well for crying out loud. My bedroom is about 100 yards away from the coop while my son's is on the other side of the house--he is the one who "owns" the chickens...go figure. He is the one who was still sleeping soundly this morning.

Nevertheless I stand by the use of earplugs at night. I will admit that there were times when the kids were younger that I would have loved to stuff those babies (the earplugs---not the kids) as far down into my ear canal as possible with the sheer hope that they would provide me some much needed refuge. But I never could do it. I was always afraid that something horrible would occur and I would not be able to hear it. I just knew the police would come in to question the horrible mother who "let" something happen to her kids---I would be sacked out in bed, drool pooling near my ear, with two hot pink pieces of rubber sticking out of each ear...a feminine Frankenstein. Now that the kids are taller than I am I, quite frankly, don't want to know what they are doing!

Mindset+Sleep=Compliments

The stars must have been aligned yesterday because I received one compliment after another--all day long! Now, I say this because I have been feeling out of sorts for a while now and just this past week finally started taking control of my life...instead of letting it control me. I made certain that I got at least 8 hours of sleep on a daily basis. I watched what I ate and controlled my portions. I drank as much water as I could. I took my vitamins. I did all of the things we are always told to do. Except for the exercise part...well...that's not entirely true because yesterday I bought another exercise DVD...that counts, right? And guess what? It all started to gel. My face looked refreshed, my thinking was clear, and my energy levels were up. I've started adapting the 10-10-10 approach to decision making (more on this in another post) and I have decided to take part in the 30-Day Shred workout regime (more on this in another post as well).

And then, on Friday, BOOM! the compliments poured forth. As soon as I got to work several ladies approached me wanting to know what I was doing because I was "glowing." I shared with them my Bonne Bell makeup secret (Blend'nGlow Natural Blush...I use it as my foundation) and set off about my day. The outfit I was wearing was a hit and someone came up to me later in the day saying they didn't know who I was--they didn't recognize me from the back. At the end of the work day I went to pick up my son and while sitting in the front office a high school student complimented me on my eyes...she said they were just beautiful. Later that evening my husband told me that I looked nice today. WOW! All of this in ONE single day!

Lest I let all of this gushing go to my head, I had the following conversation with a kindergarten boy on this very same day:

boy: "Are you going to have a baby?"

me: "Do I look like I am going to have a baby?"

boy: "Yes."

me: "..."

Today I'm going to bed at 3 in the afternoon!

Z What I Mean?

Oh the wonders of sleep! After spending a huge chunk of time resting up and recuperating from total fatigue (wish I could say it was all due to the marathon I participated in last weekend, or due to the remodeling project I commandeered...but, no...I would never subject myself to such punishment...it was actually a direct result of living life) I showed signs of patience when my daughter rolled her eyes after one of my motherly comments...I exhibited total control...and what's more...while I was aware she was doing it I wasn't the least bit perturbed by it. Freaky! Normally I'd immediately regress and become an antagonistic teen and get sucked right into the whole "Whatever?!" lingo and body language routine. Perhaps some zzzzs are the only things I really truly need to be a better parent. Of course, this means that as soon as we get home I would have to go straight to bed while my family withers away from starvation and falls farther and farther behind in school because no one was there to help them with "their" homework. So how can I be the best me when I am stretched so thin I am mistaken for the rug beneath which everyone walks?

Drowsy Day

I woke up feeling extremely tired despite getting over 8 hours of sleep last night. My arms felt so heavy and I would become exhausted everytime I lifted them. The aching in my shoulders felt like I was carrying around cinder blocks. Nevertheless I drove myself to work and got the kids to school. A couple of times my daughter had to yell my name to keep me from falling asleep and multiple times I simply dropped my right arm into my lap because it simply felt too heavy to hold up even while clinging to the steering wheel.

Once I got to work my heart rate started increasing and I was becoming short of breath. Just walking from the parking lot to the office had me panting. I really thought that I needed to go back to sleep---only I was not necessarily "sleepy tired." It was more of an "internal exhaustion." I think it was my body desperately trying to get my attention.

I ended up leaving work a little after 8:30 and drove straight to the nearest gas station where I purchased a 32 oz. Gatorade with the hopes of rehydrating myself. I then drove to my parents' empty house and curled up on their couch. I felt a little bit giddy at the whole "playing hookey" notion of it all...especially when Days of Our Lives came on...a soap opera I used to watch religiously as a child but have not seen since mid high school. It is unbelievable how addicting those shows can be...I found myself invested in characters I didn't even know the names of within the first four minutes. I got a good 2 hour nap in and started feeling a little more recharged, but my arms are still bothering me.

Here's the thing: I don't think I'll EVER recover from not getting enough sleep...EVER! I have a hard time recalling certain events from when the kids were little, but I will NEVER forget the sleep deprivation part of it all...NEVER. I am one of those people who requires a LOT of UNINTERRUPTED sleep and I think it all just finally came crashing down on me this past weekend.