TTYL

I've got to hand it to all of you parents out there (mine included) who watched their child get into a car for their first official independent driving experience BEFORE  CELL PHONES HAD BEEN INVENTED!  I think that I was all cool and calm and "that's the nature of things"... but that's because I knew I would have at least the thinnest thread of contact with my son at the beginning, middle, and end of this whole "Nurture Your Child and Keep Him From Harm Only To Throw Him To The Wolves" thing called growing up (for him and me!).

Me:  "Text me AS SOON as you get there."
Him:  "I will."
Me:  "But not while you're driving."
Him:  "I know."
Me:  "Text me if you have to go ANYWHERE else."
Him:  "I will."
Me:  "But I don't want you going anywhere else."
Him:  "Okay."
Me:  "Be sure and text me AS SOON as you leave."
Him:  "I will."
Me:  "But not while you're driving."
Him:  "I won't."
Me:  "I love you."
Him:  "I love you too."
Him:  "I'm here."
Me:  (sigh of relief)  "Thanks for texting me.  Have a great day at work."
Me:  (Calling) "Why haven't you texted me yet?"
Him:  "Because I haven't left yet."
Me:  "When are you leaving?"
Him:  "In a little while.  I'll text you."
Him:  "I'm heading home."
Me:  "Thanks for texting.  Be careful."
Him:  (Walking in the door) "I'm home."
Me:    (Exhaling a prayer of gratitude)

VS:

Me: "Bye!"
My Mom:  "Bye"

It's Getting Closer

The countdown is well underway!  We are in the last week of school.  There is only a day and a half left and then time slows down.  It's as if the opportunity presents itself for that other half of me to live a little.  I love what I do but I also love doing nothing...and summer totally allows for that!  Even though I work another week after the kids are finished with school, I don't mind it at all.  There is something magical about driving my own car...by myself!  There is something liberating about being the only one awake and getting ready.  There is something incredible about walking out of the door ON TIME!  Nope...I don't mind going to work while the kids stay home....but...I don't want to do it forever!

But it's those precious, well-anticipated, last couple of days of school that make me love the job that I do.  Everyone is so excited and giddy...even the kids!  It is such a gift to be blessed with a job that allows for renewal.   

This is also the summer before my youngest enters into high school.  Next school year finds me the mother of a junior and a freshman.  We are talking an independent driver and an up coming high schooler.  Everything is getting closer....jobs, dating, proms, graduation, college.  I can remember being a kid and playing with my father's binoculars.  I can still recall having to squeeze one of my eyes shut in order to get a clear view.  My eyes are close set and the binoculars were always too wide.  I remember looking through the lens and seeing trees and fence posts in clear view.  No sooner had the objects come into view they would disappear as I jerked the binoculars away to see if I could see the same image with my own eyes.  Sometimes I could, though not distinctly...other times not at all.  I know I was fascinated with the dial in between the two lenses that allowed me to focus.  

Well...now it time for me focus.  I need to focus on being there for my children more than ever before.  I need to focus on making sure they meet deadlines...volunteer...apply for scholarships.  It's time to focus on slowing down even though life is speeding up.  Wait!  I want to turn those binoculars around so that when I look out into life things seem much farther away than they really are.  It is becoming clear to me that I am going to have to let go of the binoculars and enjoy the view that is right before me.

Confirmation Please

While it was my daughter who got confirmed this past Sunday, it was I who received confirmation.  I received confirmation in that I had, in fact, followed through with the vows that I made when she and her brother were baptized.   For four years "we" have been going to confirmation classes on Wednesday evenings as well as on Sundays.  "We" have been getting home late and "we" have had to memorize scripture.  While I believe this to be essential in their lives as Christians I must admit that I am relieved this accomplishment has been achieved.  I find it interesting that the burdens we feel, as parents, are usually ones we heap upon ourselves.  But deep down we know that the sacrifices we are making today will benefit our kids later in life.  And that is just the thing...when we stop grumbling and complaining about all of the things we "have" to do...and realize that we are doing what needs to be done....then, and only then, can we come to appreciate not only what we are doing, but what our parents did (or didn't) do for us.  This 'parenting thing' is so much more than making sure our kids look both ways before crossing the street, or that they remember to say 'please' and 'thank you.'  It is about ensuring that our kids have some kind of firm foundation upon which to stand.  Hopefully that foundation is large enough and sturdy enough to withstand the turbulence that will inevitably be thrown their way.  I guess what I am trying to get at is this:  yes, it was my daughter who was confirmed, but I can't help but to feel a little swelling of pride in knowing that I had a part in building a portion of her foundation.  The fact that Jesus blessed those efforts last Sunday didn't hurt a bit!

The Usual Suspects

With my son out of town on a hunting trip the duty of caring for the chickens falls to yours truly.  I suppose I should get our local meteorologist's cell number because I can usually predict the weather with ease...you see...every single time I have to spend some time in the chicken coop the weather is extremely wet or extremly freezing.  Yesterday morning it was in the 20s!  So, before I so much as poured the first cup of coffee of the day, I am outside with my pajama pants tucked into my rubber boots feeding the masses.  Imagine my surprise when I opened the lid of the toolbox we use to house all of the feed and discovered my long lost mixing bowl, kitchen knife, and dishwashing gloves...the ones with the leopard design on them (obviously one must look fashionable when scraping the floor of the coop).  Such is the life of a mother of a son.  But, he is not the only borrower  in the house.  In my daughter's room one can find items such as: tweezers, hairspray, fingernail clippers, eyeshadows and fingernail polish....all of the things that at one time originated in my bathroom.  Apparently what is mine is theirs...or rather the chickens in my son's case.  I have deduced that since girls generally don't hang out in the barn with power tools they tend to seek out beauty tools instead.  And when they find them they like to keep them within close proximity in the event that an emergency should arise...such as a stray eyebrow hair or a chipped nail.  I have also deduced that since boys are not huge fans of cleanliness but instead prefer to eat, their favorite place to pilfer is naturally the kitchen.  So, in the end, I have concluded that the crimes were committed in both the bathroom and the kitchen...by Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet, a.k.a. my son and my daughter.

Give Me A Break!

Since my last posting I have been to either the emergency room, a hospital room, an imaging room, a specialist's room, an athletic trainer's room, or a sports injury room.  Fortunately I was not the one being wheeled in, examined, x-rayed, splinted, iced, or casted.  Unfortunately it was my mother and my son.  Between my mom who has her left foot in a boot and my son who broke his middle finger and injured his back I seem to have this doctor office thing down.  I almost have my insurance number memorized.  Before all of the bone breaking I had an unfortunate break to the front end of my car...(apparently I didn't brake fast enough).  Between deductibles and co-pays I am spent.  I don't even know how I've managed to fit it all in.  But, somehow, when I think I don't have any time to myself I find myself sitting in a waiting room for hours.  What  cruel and twisted irony.  Events of this nature never really play themselves out when I am not accountable for my time.  Nope.  These things only happen sometime between when I leave my house before 7 a.m. and return home after 7 p.m.  These things only occur when I am committed to (i.e. forced to) attend an after hours meeting or function.  These things only present themselves when I am the stressed out working mother of two teens who need to be home so they can do their homework but can't get there because I'm the one who has to drive them to and from the practices and games and functions that cause bodily injury to them in the first place thus setting into action the need to miss more school so they can go to the doctor ultimately ending up in missed assignments and more homework that we are never home to do.  In fact, I think it needs to be called "carwork."  There...I feel better.  (Part of me just feels better because I didn't even care if an english professor got hives while reading that run-on sentence! So there!).  The other part of me feels better just to get all of that hostility out of my system.  That's the thing about this fast-paced world...sooner or later things break....and the only way to fix them is to find a safe haven and hole up for a while.  And that is exactly what I am doing right now.  I am home alone (cue the angelic chorus) with all of the things that bring me joy.  It is dark outside with only an amber glow down below.  There is no other sound other than the tapping of the keyboard and the whir of my computer.  That is how I heal. 

My son's cast is off and he is at an out of town football game with a friend...how healing is that? 

Monkeying Around

This is the sight that greeted me when I came home today after leaving the kids home alone while I was at work.  Tonight I am writing out a detailed list of chores that absolutely must be completed before they can burn their stuffed animals at the stake.  Meanwhile, the kitchen showed signs of use as well.  I had to resist the strong urge to wipe up and wash out...after all...I wanted to have something for the little darlings to do tomorrow when I leave them alone again.  See, that's the "fun" of going to work...you never know what surprises await you once you return home.  It was so "exciting" to find mystery stains on the couch pillows and such a "joy" to notice how many pots and pans had been used in a single day.  I especially liked discovering that honey was a part of lunch today.  So now I'm left wondering which is better:  having to monitor every single move your toddler makes...or being completely unaware of your teenager's activities.  Yes, I know, "good" parents know everything their teen is up to....but still....ignorance is bliss!!

Closed for Nesting

I have just spent the night alone IN MY OWN HOME!!!  The family had been farmed out to various locations and I was the one who got to stay put!! Hee Hee...I'm so giddy I'm frozen to the spot.  I know that this time is precious but also fleeting.  The clocks are spinning way too quickly around here...I'm running out of time!!  I am trying to "relax" and enjoy the solitude but at the same time I'm wanting to be productive.  I'm trying to cram in a lifetime of wants in a short amount of time.  Yesterday I had a dear friend over and we were able to catch up, laugh, and visit uninterrupted....I know! WEIRD!!!! It was amazing!  After she left I could immediately feel the heaviness of the blanket of quiet that fell upon me.  Should I watch a movie of my choice? Nah...don't want to "waste my time" sitting and staring for 2 hours.  Maybe I could write a little...nope...have nothing to say since my day went without chaos.  I know...I'll read....nope....that'll only make me tired.  Bath?  Wine?  Organize?  Exercise?  Okay...delirium was obviously starting to seep in (organize?!...exercise?!) So I ended up doing what any busy mom with time to herself would do...I went to bed early...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED with my hands and feet touching all four corners....and I slept all night long!  It was glorious!!

Squawk Box

Me: (in sweet voice) “Don’t forget to pick up all of your things around the house and take them to your room.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in whiney voice) “You need to get all of your stuff out of here.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in sharp tone) “I’ve already asked you several times to clean up…I want this mess picked up!”

Them: “we will.”(as they exit premises)

Me: (noting the entire contents of my bedroom drawers stacked in towering and teetering piles up the staircase) "AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" (then I exit the premises)

For me summer is all about the opportunity to slow things down...to work on all of the projects I fantasize about completing "when I have time."  Project #1 is usually always the purging of junk in an effort to streamline and simplify life when I'm back at work.  The hard part about all of this is the fact that I don't necessarily want to spend my time off cleaning.  But then again I don't want to spend my time on cleaning either.  Truth be told: I don't want to clean-period!  Nevertheless I spent a couple of days taking all of the things I have squirreled away in my bedroom and have decided to squirrel them away in the loft (I never truly get rid of anything...I just move it from one room to another).  The method here is to stuff as much schtuff as you can in the one room most people are never likely to visit.  So, after this afternoon I should at least have a cleaner bedroom.  The loft will be cleaned next summer when I bring everything back down and cram it into my bedroom.

Ta-Dah!

"Thank You....Thank You Very Much!  I'm so glad you have been enjoying my crowing practice every single crack of dawn morning of your summer vacation!" 

Ahh...livin' the country life!  Some people actually leave the convenience of the city to spend the weekend in the "peace and quiet."  Oh sure, it's quiet here...relatively speaking.  I sleep with earplugs every night and I can still hear the roosters' crows, the cicadas' songs, and the peeping of the peepers.  But these "noises" are very soothing and remind me that nature is "alive" all around me...even when things appear to be still.  It is nice to sit outside and hear the whir and zip of a hummingbird...the skitter and scratch of a tree lizard...the whistle and snort of a doe who saw you before you saw her.  There is truly something magical about living out in the country...about not seeing another human for days on end.  My country home affords me the luxury of solitude and reflection.  At home I am able to watch and learn from the animals who teach me something new every day.  Sure, the crowing contests outside can be a bit annoying (especially when they take place around 4 a.m.) but they can also be comforting as well.  In fact...they remind me of my own brood...the ones who scratch and peck...strut and crow...sleep and eat.  The ones who are starting to venture out a little farther from their coop with each passing day....but who, at least for now, return to their home nest every night.

Too Small and Too Big at the Same Time

I knew my daughter had grown out of the majority of her clothes....but I had forgotten about the growing out of herself part of it all.  Yesterday, while purging her closet I discovered that she did, indeed, have carpeting in there after all!  Like most of us girls, my daughter gravitated toward the same few articles of clothing that were her favorites and basically ignored everything else taking up space and convincing her that she had "tons" of things to wear.  As it turns out she had good reason to neglect certain articles of clothing....especially the ones that were either four sizes too small or else resembled something a nine or ten year old would be more interested in.  Existing in the ambivalent and fuzzy area of "too big for the 'kid' section and too small for the 'adult' section, my teen daughter now has "nothing to wear."  Boy don't we all know that feeling...even with a closet full of clothes.  Like any responisble and frugal mother, I refuse to buy her anything for school until the day before it starts because she is more than likely to a)grow out of it the following week, and b)drastically change her opinion of what's "cool" based upon all of the look-alikes who flit about campus.  This "wait until August" approach does not sit well with my daughter but I am holding my ground.  As I held up each piece of clothing for her to say "yay" or "nay" to I had to admit that I, too, could instantly see most of it was a "nay."  Especially when I came to the oh so tiny denim mini skirt and little white shoes.....wait a minute!! She never wore that?!  This little "outfit" belonged to one of her stuffed animals....a beloved rabbit who was way better dressed than she ever was!  It was at this point when I realized that not only was my daughter outgrowing all of the clothes I just bought for her less than six months ago, but that she was also outgrowing all of the things that little girls play with as well.  No, I don't wish she would stay little forever...and, no, I don't reserve any tears for the years of following a toddler around....but I do realize that time is beginning to whiz by a little faster than it ever did before....which is weird in the sense that when life is crazy insane it seems like you are stuck in a time warp with no end in sight (such as when babies keep you up all night....such as when they only want to be held while you're attempting to eat dinner....such as when you have to pack, prepare, buckle up, unbuckle, carry inside--just to pump gas--and then repeat the whole process backward just to drive back home).  And yet, when your kids are finally old enough to bathe themselves, afford you the luxury of eating an entire bowl of cereal in one sitting, and actually teach you things....well time just whips right past you before you even have a chance to glance down at your watch.  On the bright side....I don't have to buy clothes for inanimate objects anymore.....unless you consider a teenager an inanimate object!

Probing for Time

Sometimes I feel like the only way I will be able to accomplish a task without interruption is if I were  abducted by aliens and whisked away...I'm not even scared of being probed....whatever it takes!  It seems that every time I sneak up the stairs to peck on the keyboard I am summoned for one thing or another....something usually urgent and important like retrieving a bath towel for someone in the shower...or to be shown the latest hair style on the latest Disney tween.  Silly me thought that during my time off in the summer I'd write during THE DAY instead of at midnight, five a.m., or...gasp...while commuting...but...there I went again....dreaming my crazy dreams...again!  Some habits are hard to break darnit!  Nevertheless I know deep down inside that I will write my entire life...and sometimes the actual writing part of it has to take second seat to the actual living of it (or else what would I have to write about?!).  So that is why I'm spending the day helping my daughter clean out her closet....(which, in itself is something definitely worth writing about!...stay tuned!)

On a Roll

I take great honor in knowing that I have what it takes to change a roll of toilet paper.  It must be something I inheirited from my mother, as she too was gifted in this department.  Not only can I change it but I can sense when  it's going to need to be changed....I know....amazing!  It's like having "the right stuff" without having to fly to the moon.  I don't think there is a badge awarded for this skill of mine but if there were I would iron that baby on pronto!  Not only am I able to accomplish this feat at home, I am able to help out my workplace and the community at large as well.  Yup...the roll always ends when I enter the room.  I'm just lucky that way I guess.  Last week my son and I were visiting one of our favorite thrift stores when my bladder started to swell.  I asked the shop owner where the nearest restroom was with the hopes that she'd say, "Oh we have one here!"...instead she replied, "Uh....um....the nearest one is at Church's Chicken."  With this in mind I did the only thing a girl could do...I kept shopping for bargains.  When I simply could not hold it any longer I politely told the shop owner that I wanted to keep shopping but that I would be leaving my pile of goods and my son behind to waddle across the street.  This worked because she immediately reached underneath her counter and pulled out a key on a stick and a 4-pack of toilet paper.  I sh** you not!  She proceeded to tell me that she hadn't had a chance to replenish the TP and hated for me to go back there without it (sweet lady).  I grabbed the package and the numchuck-looking key and raced to the rear ...of the store!  Like a fireman and a Navy Seal all wrapped in one I broke through the door, ripped apart the plastic, and, in mere  seconds I was on a roll!

Brace Yourself

My thirteen year old daughter got braces today.  Prior to this her life was "over" at the mere thought.  Now...not so much.  The hardest part (for me) was listening to her list of worries (she's a brooder like her mother).  While I could certainly understand her plight I found it hard to relate as I was pretty much "okay with it" when I got braces at her age.  Her teeth are relatively straight...it's more of a "jaw alignment issue" for her.  We're looking at approximately 14 months of payments...er...braces. The price tag is a definite eye-opener for a bargain hunter like me.  Wouldn't it be nice if items such as braces went on sale every now and then?  BOGO BRACES!!! (that's Payless Shoe's "Buy One Get One" slogan for those of you who may not have ever shopped at a place with "Pay Less" in its title).  As for me...I absolutley love thrift stores and rummage shops.  In fact, earlier in the day I purchased a diamond ring for $4.77...same price I paid for the chair I'm sitting in right now!  Okay...I'll admit...there's a slight chance the "diamond"  (which is at least 1 carat) is not real.....but....it could be.  But back to the braces.....while I probably wouldn't buy a set of "gently worn" braces for my daughter it would be nice to find them on sale.  The very thought of plunking down a LOT of money on anything gets me all queasy inside and yet today I handed over a check in which the amount box was a tad too small for the amount.  And I was buying something that A)my daughter did NOT want; B)was going to sink my daughter's self esteem; and C)was, quite frankly, not fashionable.  Can you just imagine what I could have bought instead??  We're talking items the likes of A)a sports car; B)a small swimming pool; and C)an entirely fun, cute, and fashionable wardrobe!  It's so weird how we deprive ourselves of some of the things we want because they cost so much and yet we'll fork over the funds for items such as A)a new transmission; B)a new pump for a dried up well; and C)torture devices for our children because...let's face it....they all could use a little straightening up....and, darn it, you just can't put a price tag on that.

What a Crock

I had this crazy notion that once I was at home for the summer I'd be able to live life the way I was intended.  I assumed I'd be able to wake up refreshed from all the lounging I did the day before.  I figured I'd actually sip my coffee for hours (instead of spilling it on me en route to work).  I just knew I'd do all of this ALONE while my TEENAGERS SLEPT LATE.  I know...I'm insane.  The problem with that diagnosis is that no will even come and take me away.  You see...it's "that time in MY life" where "time off" translates as "time to cater to my children's needs."  Who do they think they are expecting me to rise and shine TO AN ALARM on my days off?!  I certainly don't recall reading this fine print anywhere in the parenting manual the lactation nurse left in my custody all those years ago.  Come to think of it I don't recall much of anything anymore.  All I know is that I thought our schedule was frenetic and on the verge of emploding while school was in session.  Ha! 
For the past couple of weeks I've counted myself lucky if I left my house with at least some form of clothing on at least one part of it.  This is because my son wakes up BEFORE his chickens.  He exercises BEFORE my coffee pot even clicks on!  (I'm thinking of having him evaluated....something is not right....).
I love him dearly nonetheless...especially since he inherited every gene I don't have.  And have I mentioned that this strange beast is ALWAYS HUNGRY!  Yeah...'bout that....  
This is the ultimate kink in my chord.  How on Earth is one expected to prepare a meal ...a hearty meal...fit for a growing boy before he attends a strength and speed "camp" 4 days a week for a MONTH?!?  HOW?!  I haven't even had "my time" out on the porch sipping coffee and flipping magazine pages!  I haven't been able to "ease into my day."  I AM NOT AWAKE!  Gone are the "pour yourself some cereal" days.  So too are the "how about some toast and jelly?" mornings.  Now I am expected to turn on the stove and measure multiple ingredients, all before 7:00 in the morning...IN  THE SUMMER! What a crock!

The Long and Shorts of it

Oh the weather outside is HOT!  So off I went to buy some shorts for the kids.  Is it just me or are the girls' shorts getting shorter and the boys' shorts  getting longer?  When I held up my son's shorts they looked like capris on me!  And when I held up my daughter's shorts they looked .... well...we just won't go there! 
It's times like these when it is fun to have "one of each"...a son and a daughter.  I obviously don't have to listen to fights about having to share clothes.  But I do enjoy having a boy and a girl in my life.  Their interests and their personalities never cease to warm me.  They have inadvertantly opened my eyes to the differences in the sexes.  On a daily basis I am reminded of just how body conscious girls can be and how oblivious boys are.  I see first-hand how guys grab an article of clothing off the rack and buy it while girls have to finger every item in the store, try on one of each color, debate over an indecipherable hue difference, and then 'narrow it down' to the "final 15" choices.  Boys can get by on two pair of shorts all summer long while girls need multiple shorts in multiple lengths, colors, and textures.  And so the saga continues well into adulthood.  There is no use trying to figure it out....we are the way we are because that's just the way we are!
(That being said: this girl will not only be purchasing longer shorts this summer but they will be camouflaged as well!)

NeverAgainLand

As the days passed it became painfully clear we must have taken the 2nd star to the left as we traveled straight on 'til morning.  We were nowhere near the likes of Neverland.  We had ended up in NeverAgainLand...AGAIN!  That's right folks, I took another trip to the coast...something I totally recall saying "Never Again" to last year...and the year before that.....

So why did I commit?  ...ah yes....I have KIDS....kids who like to go to the beach!  Kids who don't have to worry about packing, providing, or applying sunscreen in a timely manner because....well...because they have a brooding chick to take care of all that!  So, after a sticky day spent on the beach I immediately jumped into the fresh, clean, clear, refreshing water of the swimming pool...THE best feeling of the day!!  I was FINALLY grit free!!  After a few flips and handstands I noticed a couple sunning themselves on an upper deck.  I loved how the only thing I could see was their shadows through the mesh.  My first thoughts were of Peter Pan and his playful shadow.  Were these two people real? Or had they been reduced to mere shadows of their former selves? 

I enjoyed spending vacation time with family but I am not the world's biggest fan of sand, sweat, and sunburnt skin (see posts: "She's Gone Coastal" 6/30/08 & "The Beach is for the Birds" 7/29/09).  But as I observed the animated shadows in front of me I began to feel lighter myself.  I was rinsed, refreshed, and ready to proceed with the evening now that I had "bathed" myself in the pool (one less chore to deal with later on).  I started to realize that, like Peter Pan, our childhoods should be filled with happy thoughts and fun adventures.  Sure, there are ticking clocks around every corner and even a couple of pirates here and there wanting to steal the things we treasure most.  But if our treasures are our memories...well...no one can take those from us. 

And so, in an effort to gift my children with a summer memory of time spent with grandparents, parents, and each other...memories of body surfing, boogie boarding, and wave jumping...countless hours of dominoes, inside jokes, and giggling until the inevitable happens.....I took a trip to NeverAgainLand....again.

Gypsy

Sitting on the couch with my daughter's legs resting across my own. We are connected via the sharing of earbuds. She is sharing a new song she downloaded onto her iPod today; Shakira's "Gypsy." I'm still learning the lyrics but so far I like the idea of being free...free from all of the things that hold me back...free to be me. I also love the idea of being a part of my daughter's world as opposed to being apart from it.

In the morning we will leave for a mini vacation to the beach. We will embrace the opportunity to walk barefoot in the sand...free from our tight-fitting shoes and all of the other things that bind and limit us. We shall be free...gypsies in the sand.

Time to Negotiate

A couple of days ago I treated myself to lunch...I'm thoughtful that way.  Although I truly do enjoy the company of other people (sometimes) I often prefer to be alone.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my soul craves the opportunity to collect her thoughts....to recharge....to simply "be."  While that may be true, as a working mother I am surprised that I do not have a permanent indentation in the meaty part of my shoulder from all of the incessant poking it receives.  Allow me to give you an example:  "poke-poke-poke-Mom! Mom!poke-poke-poke-Mom!! Mom!!poke-poke-poke-Miss!! Miss!! poke-poke-poke!"  There are times when I have to restrain myself from screaming "GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" 

And that is why, during my last week of work--a week without students and the typical after-school taxi services I offer my children...free of charge...I'm thoughtful that way...I found myself the single occupant of a table for four in one of my favorite Chinese food restaurants. 

As I sipped my soup and chewed my chicken I found that I was finally slowing down...relaxing..."being."  When my check arrived so to did my fortune: 

"Negotiations move along smoothly.  The outcome is favorable!"

My first thought was..."What am I in need of negotiating?  Huh?  Where's the part that predicts I'm going to collect a windfall?"  I have to admit I was a little let-down...I really wanted a "good" fortune...something I could believe in...hang on to...as I began my summer break.  But just this morning, after some quiet devotional time alone in my loft, I began to see my "fortune" in an entirely different light.  There is another definition of the word "negotiate" as found in Barron's Pocket Dictionary and Thesaurus:  "Get over an obstacle or difficulty." ....hmmmm.... now that's more like it!!!  I couldn't help but notice that this definition was the third and final entry.  This got me thinking that maybe our first, or even second thought, impression, or feeling, may not always be the "right" one.  Sometimes we have to negotiate around several obstacles in our paths, in our lives, in our souls to find a favorable outcome. 

Free At Last!

Fortunately I have never been in jail before....but I have been a prisoner....a prisoner of work that is.  But today was officially my "release day."  I love the fact that educators actually have a beginning and an ending to their work year.  We get to clean up, clean out, and ultimately walk out.  As I walked out of the doors of the school building that I call home for 10 months out of the year I did so with a bounce in my step.  In under one minute I went from being a paid professional adult to a school girl without a care in the world...I was a kid again!!! I wanted to throw reams of paper up into the air and fling my legs back behind me like they always did in those old Toyota commercials.  I wanted to peel out of the parking lot and meet up with all of my friends and head to the lake...windows down.  Instead I drove to Walmart and went grocery shopping.  My school girl bubble burst as soon as remembered that I had two starving children waiting at home.  The good news is that I realized that I can actually be a functioning member of society when I am not working and I am shopping sans kids.  It was actually a revelation I tell you!  I was in and out of there with only the items that I came for...and I didn't have to turn my back to the security cameras to scold the little eye-roller either.  All of a sudden it became all too clear to me:  I am capable of ............anything.  I actually carried on a conversation with a complete stranger....I did not huff and puff with the customer in front of me could not figure out how to swipe their card or tap the screen..... I WAS FINALLY NOT IN A HURRY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!
Now, don't get me wrong here....I do love my job (thank heaven for that!) but I still can't figure out the actual crime I committed that landed me there. 

Will You Help Me Do Something By Myself?

Just the other day, right after receiving communion, I snuck out of church for a restroom break. As soon as I opened the door I could hear the voice of a little girl babbling on and on to her mother they way children do when they believe that sitting on the toilet is something that should take hours. In their unrushed way they will swing their little legs and talk and talk and talk…while Mama patiently tries to hurry them along. I heard “Mom” mumble something to which the little girl responded, “I can do it MYSELF!” By the time I came around the corner to wash my hands I noticed the same little girl, in white eyelet ankle socks and an all white summer Sunday dress, washing her hands HERSELF…albeit while standing on a chair her mother had provided for her---so the girl could have her “independence.” This child was simply beaming and the notion that she was not only getting her hands wet, but that she was pumping the soap dispenser like a bona fide pro. She proceeded to explain to me that the faucets had been replaced so now she didn’t have to keep turning them on. Once again “Mom” was patiently standing there waiting for this washing ritual to be finished….but only after her daughter dried her hands HERSELF.


This got me thinking about all of the times children demand that they do something without assistance…it is part of growing up. The problem with it is that while they are adamant about going it alone they truly need our guidance and help. And then, as luck would have it, the little darlings do grow up and are, in fact, independent…they can make their own bed, brush their own teeth, clean their own room, and do their own homework….ironically this is when they scream, “MOM!!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!”