Running Out of Time

If you look closely at the sticker in the back window of this truck you'll see "0.0"  This struck me as hilarious as I am not a runner.  In fact, I'm hardly a walker.  Truth be told, 0.0 is about the speed I've been operating on during my time off this summer.  In a few weeks I'll be gaining enough speed to warrant a sticker the length of that windshield.  But, until then, I am relishing the downtime that summer affords.  I'll sleep until my body is ready to wake.  I'll meander throughout the house until it's time for a nap.  On days when I'm feeling that rare burst of energy I'll check the mail.  Ahhh....reading, writing, eating, sleeping.  That's my version of a summer marathon!

Dog Days

Has it really been an entire year since my last post?  Whoa!  I know the appropriate saying is, "Time Flies When You're Having Fun," but that's not necessarily the reason why I haven't posted.  Truth be told, I don't really know why I haven't posted...other than the fact that I've been super busy and my kids are teenagers, and I'm hormonally imbalanced.  But other than that...yeah...I've been having 'fun.'  

So, here it is, July 2012...the temperatures have kept me on the far far end of the highly irritated scale.  I don't even want to look out my window let alone open the front door.  I did venture out once but that was to river where I was immersed in the water the entire time I was there.  

I remember being younger and listening to the old ladies gripe about sweating...how they hated it.  I recall thinking that they were just wimps...old wimps.  My how the tables have turned.  I'm not only old, but I'm wimpy.  Heat is for the lizards.  Bring on the chilling gusts of wind that whisper to women everywhere, "Go forth and shop for wool!"  

I love summer...I really do.  I'm blessed to have a job where I am afforded multiple months off.  I'm fortunate to live in the country where I can walk around in my scuzziest threads and never have to wash my makeup off (since I never have to put it on!).  I'm grateful for the long, lazy days and the entitlement to ice cream that comes with extreme humidity and extended periods of drought.  

I have many projects in the works and one of them includes posting on a regular basis.  I’ll commit to a minimum of once a week and see how things go from there.  It feels good to be back in the nest!

The Sarong should be called the "So Wrong"

I don't get it.  It's hard enough for women to fit into clothes--especially when they keep trying to squeeze into "their size" even though "their size" is no longer their size.  I speak from experience on this one.  I have not been happy with the way I've been looking in my clothes.  It seems that "nothing is working for me."  Finally, I had a meeting with myself and decided to go ahead and try "the next size up."  When that size didn't fit I went up another size....and this time it fit...but it was snug.  When I blocked out the number on the tag I realized how comfortable I was and how good the shorts fit.  Apparently the only way to feel skinny (not 'look skinny'...FEEL) is to buy clothing in the size you  never dreamed  you would ever ever wear (the size you never even fit into when pregnant!) and whallah!  Then, just when I had accepted the fact that the battle between me and my metabolism had not only been fought, but won....(only not by me)...I had to slip into a bathing suit (actually "slip" is not the best descriptor here...."squeeze/suck/squint" would be more appropriate).  Despite the fact that I am no longer in my 20s...okay...no longer in my 30s...I still managed to pull off a bikini.  I found that the one-piece suits actually "rounded me out" too much considering the fact that not only do I have a pronounced sway-back...but I also have a pronounced back-side.  Well...just the other day...when I knew I would be in a suit IN PUBLIC...I opted for a one-piece...but it was in "slimming black."  The label on the tag told me I was trying on a "sarong."  In truth it fit and it did pretty much what it was designed to do...swallow my pride.  But the problem I have with suits that are purchased to "hide," "disguise," "cover up," our "supple" skin on our tummies and thighs and buttocks is the fact that the suit covers up our top half.  Don't most women have "areas of concern" in their lower half?  If it were up to me I'd wear a suit that started at the ankles and ended at the top of the belly button!!  But even that is just SO WRONG!  Come on winter!!  The season where only faces and hands are exposed!!!

Great Ball of Fire!

Okay!  Enough with the heat already!  I used to think those movies that had people incinerating on the spot were exaggerating....but that sort of thing almost happened to me the other day when I snuck outside pre dawn to let the chickens out of their coop.  I figured that I would be safe considering the fact that it was 6:30 a.m. and the temps were only in the mid 90s.  Well they were!...almost.  The air simply burns.  So what if there is a breeze....it does not help because the “breeze” feels like the whoosh of heat you get when you open the oven door.  Because of all of the sweating that’s going on I’m having to wash a lot of clothing that I would otherwise merely “recycle.”  I have to refill the birdbath daily because a)the birds have declared it the best watering hole in the county, and b)the sun sucks up whatever is left at the end of the day.  On more than one occasion I have actually, physically been stuck to my car’s seat. ‘Tis the season of less clothing, but unfortunately, ‘tis also the season to either wear SPF 100 (yes, there is a 100...I know...I own it), or stay indoors.  So go jump in the lake you winey woman ... I would...if there was any water left to jump in.  Right now I am reminded of the Bugs Bunny cartoon...the one where he jumps up and then dives straight down into what should be an oasis of beautifully cool and refreshing water....only he ends up eating sand.  Ehhhhh.....what’s up with this heat, Doc?!

H2OMG!

It has suddenly dawned on me that I have "crossed over."  I am now in the category of women who actually get into the water to cool off.  I don't give a hoot about a tan, and I jog in place with the hopes that when I towel off my thighs will not only be taut, but about as big around as the curling iron I no longer use because who uses those things anymore?  It's all about the flat iron now.  Flat, flat, flat.  I do not like that word anymore.  In fact, it has become a four-letter word to me.  "Flat" is a bad tire!  

I now own a bathing suit that has a built-in skirt.  I consider it "dressing up" to go swimming.  I no longer get goosebumps or "test the water" before getting in.  I don't worry about mascara running because makeup has become "one more thing" that I have to take off at night.  I'm sick of layers, whether it be in clothing or in my hair.  I no longer "suck in" because it doesn't look any different when I don't.  I'm past the sticker shock of the size on the tag...I just want something that is bigger than I am so I feel comfortable.  I used to pay $30 for a 2 tiny pieces of material...now I pay $12 for one large piece.  The fact that we are in the middle of one of the worst droughts on record has done nothing for my broken internal thermostat.  Back when there was water and I owned a bikini, I was always too cold to jump in.  Now...it's hotter than hell and I feel like creating some waves!

It's Getting Closer

The countdown is well underway!  We are in the last week of school.  There is only a day and a half left and then time slows down.  It's as if the opportunity presents itself for that other half of me to live a little.  I love what I do but I also love doing nothing...and summer totally allows for that!  Even though I work another week after the kids are finished with school, I don't mind it at all.  There is something magical about driving my own car...by myself!  There is something liberating about being the only one awake and getting ready.  There is something incredible about walking out of the door ON TIME!  Nope...I don't mind going to work while the kids stay home....but...I don't want to do it forever!

But it's those precious, well-anticipated, last couple of days of school that make me love the job that I do.  Everyone is so excited and giddy...even the kids!  It is such a gift to be blessed with a job that allows for renewal.   

This is also the summer before my youngest enters into high school.  Next school year finds me the mother of a junior and a freshman.  We are talking an independent driver and an up coming high schooler.  Everything is getting closer....jobs, dating, proms, graduation, college.  I can remember being a kid and playing with my father's binoculars.  I can still recall having to squeeze one of my eyes shut in order to get a clear view.  My eyes are close set and the binoculars were always too wide.  I remember looking through the lens and seeing trees and fence posts in clear view.  No sooner had the objects come into view they would disappear as I jerked the binoculars away to see if I could see the same image with my own eyes.  Sometimes I could, though not distinctly...other times not at all.  I know I was fascinated with the dial in between the two lenses that allowed me to focus.  

Well...now it time for me focus.  I need to focus on being there for my children more than ever before.  I need to focus on making sure they meet deadlines...volunteer...apply for scholarships.  It's time to focus on slowing down even though life is speeding up.  Wait!  I want to turn those binoculars around so that when I look out into life things seem much farther away than they really are.  It is becoming clear to me that I am going to have to let go of the binoculars and enjoy the view that is right before me.

21st Sentry

Well...this is it...the final farewell...the curtain call...the end...of my summer break, aka "the time in my life when I am calm, relaxed, spontaneous, and can go without makeup".  Gone are the days of sleeping in...I must say adios to all things unhurried.  But, before I start boo hooing into my morning cup of coffee, I must say that work does have its advantages...mainly getting to see my colleagues...my friends...every day.  Much like the kids who are gearing up to go back to school (to see their friends), I am looking forward to the relationship part of it all.  The homework part...nah...not so much.  Each year at this time I stop and reflect...much like one does on January 1...about how this year I'm going to be more organized, have more patience, get enough sleep, etc., etc., etc. But the adult in me knows that deep down no matter how much I try to do all of the above...well...let's just say "life steps in."  Even so I am determined to take things a little more slowly.  I have such an appreciation for the "good old days"...a time when life was "simpler."  As our world and surroundings speed forward "into the future" I have decided that, while I plan on keeping up with all of the progress, I am going to do what I can to be ever watchful of how I spend my days.  Yes, I love my itouch and my cell phone and my computer.  Sure, I have mastered texting and dabbled in skyping.  I rely on emailing and troubleshooting and downloading.  All of those things are wonderful and they have made my life a little easier in many ways.  But this year I plan on relying heavily on enjoying and simply being.  As I stand guard and watch out for all that is coming ahead I still want to remain in touch with all that once was. 

Monkeying Around

This is the sight that greeted me when I came home today after leaving the kids home alone while I was at work.  Tonight I am writing out a detailed list of chores that absolutely must be completed before they can burn their stuffed animals at the stake.  Meanwhile, the kitchen showed signs of use as well.  I had to resist the strong urge to wipe up and wash out...after all...I wanted to have something for the little darlings to do tomorrow when I leave them alone again.  See, that's the "fun" of going to work...you never know what surprises await you once you return home.  It was so "exciting" to find mystery stains on the couch pillows and such a "joy" to notice how many pots and pans had been used in a single day.  I especially liked discovering that honey was a part of lunch today.  So now I'm left wondering which is better:  having to monitor every single move your toddler makes...or being completely unaware of your teenager's activities.  Yes, I know, "good" parents know everything their teen is up to....but still....ignorance is bliss!!

Tired

Spent some time outdoors watching a flat tire being changed...ugh!  It scared me to think that the last time that I actually loosened a lug nut was back when I was forced to during a driver's ed class in high school.  Sure, I know that I could if I absolutely had to....but...ugh!  Especially on a day like today when just standing outside and not even moving resulted in sweat actually beading and dripping down my body...it was like a sauna...the stifling kind...the "you are going to suffocate and die if you don't rush out of here and into an air conditioned building" kind of stifling...ugh!  Just the thought of having to lie down ON THE GROUND even if it were on a blanket, and exert oneself FOR THE SAKE OF CHANGING A TIRE!!!! UGH!  You see, I hate to be the "typical woman" and expect a guy to change my tire...but....well.....they are just so good at it!

Squawk Box

Me: (in sweet voice) “Don’t forget to pick up all of your things around the house and take them to your room.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in whiney voice) “You need to get all of your stuff out of here.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in sharp tone) “I’ve already asked you several times to clean up…I want this mess picked up!”

Them: “we will.”(as they exit premises)

Me: (noting the entire contents of my bedroom drawers stacked in towering and teetering piles up the staircase) "AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" (then I exit the premises)

For me summer is all about the opportunity to slow things down...to work on all of the projects I fantasize about completing "when I have time."  Project #1 is usually always the purging of junk in an effort to streamline and simplify life when I'm back at work.  The hard part about all of this is the fact that I don't necessarily want to spend my time off cleaning.  But then again I don't want to spend my time on cleaning either.  Truth be told: I don't want to clean-period!  Nevertheless I spent a couple of days taking all of the things I have squirreled away in my bedroom and have decided to squirrel them away in the loft (I never truly get rid of anything...I just move it from one room to another).  The method here is to stuff as much schtuff as you can in the one room most people are never likely to visit.  So, after this afternoon I should at least have a cleaner bedroom.  The loft will be cleaned next summer when I bring everything back down and cram it into my bedroom.

Ta-Dah!

"Thank You....Thank You Very Much!  I'm so glad you have been enjoying my crowing practice every single crack of dawn morning of your summer vacation!" 

Ahh...livin' the country life!  Some people actually leave the convenience of the city to spend the weekend in the "peace and quiet."  Oh sure, it's quiet here...relatively speaking.  I sleep with earplugs every night and I can still hear the roosters' crows, the cicadas' songs, and the peeping of the peepers.  But these "noises" are very soothing and remind me that nature is "alive" all around me...even when things appear to be still.  It is nice to sit outside and hear the whir and zip of a hummingbird...the skitter and scratch of a tree lizard...the whistle and snort of a doe who saw you before you saw her.  There is truly something magical about living out in the country...about not seeing another human for days on end.  My country home affords me the luxury of solitude and reflection.  At home I am able to watch and learn from the animals who teach me something new every day.  Sure, the crowing contests outside can be a bit annoying (especially when they take place around 4 a.m.) but they can also be comforting as well.  In fact...they remind me of my own brood...the ones who scratch and peck...strut and crow...sleep and eat.  The ones who are starting to venture out a little farther from their coop with each passing day....but who, at least for now, return to their home nest every night.

Probing for Time

Sometimes I feel like the only way I will be able to accomplish a task without interruption is if I were  abducted by aliens and whisked away...I'm not even scared of being probed....whatever it takes!  It seems that every time I sneak up the stairs to peck on the keyboard I am summoned for one thing or another....something usually urgent and important like retrieving a bath towel for someone in the shower...or to be shown the latest hair style on the latest Disney tween.  Silly me thought that during my time off in the summer I'd write during THE DAY instead of at midnight, five a.m., or...gasp...while commuting...but...there I went again....dreaming my crazy dreams...again!  Some habits are hard to break darnit!  Nevertheless I know deep down inside that I will write my entire life...and sometimes the actual writing part of it has to take second seat to the actual living of it (or else what would I have to write about?!).  So that is why I'm spending the day helping my daughter clean out her closet....(which, in itself is something definitely worth writing about!...stay tuned!)

The Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings....unbelievable.  Yeah....and do you know how you get to be able to view them?  You hike!  You climb!  You pant!  Yup....another day on "vacation" I was tricked into exercising!

You had me at STOP

  

 

Recently, while on "vacation," I came across 3 signs...the first one said "STOP," the second one said "CAUTION," and the third one said, "BE PREPARED."  Where were the "RELAX", "ENJOY", and "POOL THIS WAY" signs??? The words of Goldie Hawn's character in "Overboard" kept ringing in my ears: "I'm not supposed to be here!" Like Alice in Wonderland, I was beginning to wonder just what I was getting myself into. (How I wish the signs had been "EAT ME" or "DRINK ME!")  I was begining to ascend down down down into the rabbit hole...er...Carlsbad Caverns.  A huge hole in the ground...the dank, dark, cold, no one will be able to find you kind of hole.  And I was doing this because I was on VACATION.  Huh?  Wait just a second....did I just get tricked into exercising?! 

Compact Car

I drive a VW Jetta TDI.  I love my car.  I truly do.  I love it for multiple reasons.  One of the top reasons is that it gets, on average, 47-48 mpg! This comes in handy during family roadtrip vacations such as the one we just returned from.  The four of us, two adults and two teenagers, rode in our compact car from the Texas Hill Country, through New Mexico, up into Colorado, and back again over the past week.  And we brought all our stuff with us.  I don't know what it is, but I absolutely have to have my stuff with me--as in surrounding me and touching me at all times...kind of like my very own jackdaw nest.  Only....I totally need my space!  This poses quite the problem for me because, although I finally packed "light" (instead of a gigantic suitcase on wheels I brought a small suitcase on wheels...and a duffel...and a "bathroom/cosmetic pouch"...and a tote for all of my reading material...and a small backpack for all of the charger cords for our electronics......)
Luckily my son has been immersing himself in all things Bear Grylls so he packed like a true survivor and basically left home with the clothes he had on his back, and binoculars.  My daughter, thank goodness, does not have the pack rat/girl scout mentality of her mother and could carry her "luggage" in both hands.  Since my kids' legs are now longer than their torsos there was no way I would be able to scoot or lay my seat back.  Even when sitting in the back seat with my daughter for a while I had to convince my spine that it was comfortable in a twisted position.  But, with the help of my eyemask, my earplugs, and a couple Advil too many I lived to tell the tale.  We had a great time and were able to see some pretty amazing things.  Like the time my daughter got to stare at the soles of my feet for a couple hundred miles.

What a Crock

I had this crazy notion that once I was at home for the summer I'd be able to live life the way I was intended.  I assumed I'd be able to wake up refreshed from all the lounging I did the day before.  I figured I'd actually sip my coffee for hours (instead of spilling it on me en route to work).  I just knew I'd do all of this ALONE while my TEENAGERS SLEPT LATE.  I know...I'm insane.  The problem with that diagnosis is that no will even come and take me away.  You see...it's "that time in MY life" where "time off" translates as "time to cater to my children's needs."  Who do they think they are expecting me to rise and shine TO AN ALARM on my days off?!  I certainly don't recall reading this fine print anywhere in the parenting manual the lactation nurse left in my custody all those years ago.  Come to think of it I don't recall much of anything anymore.  All I know is that I thought our schedule was frenetic and on the verge of emploding while school was in session.  Ha! 
For the past couple of weeks I've counted myself lucky if I left my house with at least some form of clothing on at least one part of it.  This is because my son wakes up BEFORE his chickens.  He exercises BEFORE my coffee pot even clicks on!  (I'm thinking of having him evaluated....something is not right....).
I love him dearly nonetheless...especially since he inherited every gene I don't have.  And have I mentioned that this strange beast is ALWAYS HUNGRY!  Yeah...'bout that....  
This is the ultimate kink in my chord.  How on Earth is one expected to prepare a meal ...a hearty meal...fit for a growing boy before he attends a strength and speed "camp" 4 days a week for a MONTH?!?  HOW?!  I haven't even had "my time" out on the porch sipping coffee and flipping magazine pages!  I haven't been able to "ease into my day."  I AM NOT AWAKE!  Gone are the "pour yourself some cereal" days.  So too are the "how about some toast and jelly?" mornings.  Now I am expected to turn on the stove and measure multiple ingredients, all before 7:00 in the morning...IN  THE SUMMER! What a crock!

Simply Stuffed

Simplify! Simplify! Simplify!  That's what I kept telling myself that I was going to do as soon as I was off for the summer.  I mentally prepared myself to toss everything I ever owned except for my coffee maker...and my mug...and my favorite blanket....oh yeah...and that little swallow's nest I found on the ground.......

This was obviously going to be harder than I thought.  I've steeled myself against sentimentality...I don't want to live in clutter and be surrounded by junk only to one day die and have a house full of strangers pick through my belongings.  I want to own my stuff rather than having it own me (yes, I've been reading "How To Organize" books...but now I have so many of them I don't know where to put them)!

I go back and forth between craving a minimalist and modern existence free from clutter and opting instead for my "lived in/everything has a story" reality.  Every now and then I pretend that at tornado is on its' way and realize that not much of it really matters anyway...I would certainly live without my dust collectors...yes, life would go on.  I've thought often about the possibility of boxing up all of my stuff and storing it (but that would mean I'd have to purchase a barn the size of a warehouse). 

Everytime I opt to carry a small purse I inevitably need my hand sanitizer, my laundry stick, some tissue, the bug spray, and a travel pillow.  But when I bring my huge purse...okay...BAG...I can't find any of the items I know are in there.  I like being prepared...I just don't like to prepare.  I am getting extremly tired of thinking ahead and predicting any and all possible outcomes to any situation that might present itself.  Since I've been off work I've packed and unpacked twice and am getting ready to pack again.  Both times I overdid it..as usual.  Both times I didn't have what I needed/wanted... or did I? 

NeverAgainLand

As the days passed it became painfully clear we must have taken the 2nd star to the left as we traveled straight on 'til morning.  We were nowhere near the likes of Neverland.  We had ended up in NeverAgainLand...AGAIN!  That's right folks, I took another trip to the coast...something I totally recall saying "Never Again" to last year...and the year before that.....

So why did I commit?  ...ah yes....I have KIDS....kids who like to go to the beach!  Kids who don't have to worry about packing, providing, or applying sunscreen in a timely manner because....well...because they have a brooding chick to take care of all that!  So, after a sticky day spent on the beach I immediately jumped into the fresh, clean, clear, refreshing water of the swimming pool...THE best feeling of the day!!  I was FINALLY grit free!!  After a few flips and handstands I noticed a couple sunning themselves on an upper deck.  I loved how the only thing I could see was their shadows through the mesh.  My first thoughts were of Peter Pan and his playful shadow.  Were these two people real? Or had they been reduced to mere shadows of their former selves? 

I enjoyed spending vacation time with family but I am not the world's biggest fan of sand, sweat, and sunburnt skin (see posts: "She's Gone Coastal" 6/30/08 & "The Beach is for the Birds" 7/29/09).  But as I observed the animated shadows in front of me I began to feel lighter myself.  I was rinsed, refreshed, and ready to proceed with the evening now that I had "bathed" myself in the pool (one less chore to deal with later on).  I started to realize that, like Peter Pan, our childhoods should be filled with happy thoughts and fun adventures.  Sure, there are ticking clocks around every corner and even a couple of pirates here and there wanting to steal the things we treasure most.  But if our treasures are our memories...well...no one can take those from us. 

And so, in an effort to gift my children with a summer memory of time spent with grandparents, parents, and each other...memories of body surfing, boogie boarding, and wave jumping...countless hours of dominoes, inside jokes, and giggling until the inevitable happens.....I took a trip to NeverAgainLand....again.

Gypsy

Sitting on the couch with my daughter's legs resting across my own. We are connected via the sharing of earbuds. She is sharing a new song she downloaded onto her iPod today; Shakira's "Gypsy." I'm still learning the lyrics but so far I like the idea of being free...free from all of the things that hold me back...free to be me. I also love the idea of being a part of my daughter's world as opposed to being apart from it.

In the morning we will leave for a mini vacation to the beach. We will embrace the opportunity to walk barefoot in the sand...free from our tight-fitting shoes and all of the other things that bind and limit us. We shall be free...gypsies in the sand.

Time to Negotiate

A couple of days ago I treated myself to lunch...I'm thoughtful that way.  Although I truly do enjoy the company of other people (sometimes) I often prefer to be alone.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my soul craves the opportunity to collect her thoughts....to recharge....to simply "be."  While that may be true, as a working mother I am surprised that I do not have a permanent indentation in the meaty part of my shoulder from all of the incessant poking it receives.  Allow me to give you an example:  "poke-poke-poke-Mom! Mom!poke-poke-poke-Mom!! Mom!!poke-poke-poke-Miss!! Miss!! poke-poke-poke!"  There are times when I have to restrain myself from screaming "GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" 

And that is why, during my last week of work--a week without students and the typical after-school taxi services I offer my children...free of charge...I'm thoughtful that way...I found myself the single occupant of a table for four in one of my favorite Chinese food restaurants. 

As I sipped my soup and chewed my chicken I found that I was finally slowing down...relaxing..."being."  When my check arrived so to did my fortune: 

"Negotiations move along smoothly.  The outcome is favorable!"

My first thought was..."What am I in need of negotiating?  Huh?  Where's the part that predicts I'm going to collect a windfall?"  I have to admit I was a little let-down...I really wanted a "good" fortune...something I could believe in...hang on to...as I began my summer break.  But just this morning, after some quiet devotional time alone in my loft, I began to see my "fortune" in an entirely different light.  There is another definition of the word "negotiate" as found in Barron's Pocket Dictionary and Thesaurus:  "Get over an obstacle or difficulty." ....hmmmm.... now that's more like it!!!  I couldn't help but notice that this definition was the third and final entry.  This got me thinking that maybe our first, or even second thought, impression, or feeling, may not always be the "right" one.  Sometimes we have to negotiate around several obstacles in our paths, in our lives, in our souls to find a favorable outcome.