Too Small and Too Big at the Same Time

I knew my daughter had grown out of the majority of her clothes....but I had forgotten about the growing out of herself part of it all.  Yesterday, while purging her closet I discovered that she did, indeed, have carpeting in there after all!  Like most of us girls, my daughter gravitated toward the same few articles of clothing that were her favorites and basically ignored everything else taking up space and convincing her that she had "tons" of things to wear.  As it turns out she had good reason to neglect certain articles of clothing....especially the ones that were either four sizes too small or else resembled something a nine or ten year old would be more interested in.  Existing in the ambivalent and fuzzy area of "too big for the 'kid' section and too small for the 'adult' section, my teen daughter now has "nothing to wear."  Boy don't we all know that feeling...even with a closet full of clothes.  Like any responisble and frugal mother, I refuse to buy her anything for school until the day before it starts because she is more than likely to a)grow out of it the following week, and b)drastically change her opinion of what's "cool" based upon all of the look-alikes who flit about campus.  This "wait until August" approach does not sit well with my daughter but I am holding my ground.  As I held up each piece of clothing for her to say "yay" or "nay" to I had to admit that I, too, could instantly see most of it was a "nay."  Especially when I came to the oh so tiny denim mini skirt and little white shoes.....wait a minute!! She never wore that?!  This little "outfit" belonged to one of her stuffed animals....a beloved rabbit who was way better dressed than she ever was!  It was at this point when I realized that not only was my daughter outgrowing all of the clothes I just bought for her less than six months ago, but that she was also outgrowing all of the things that little girls play with as well.  No, I don't wish she would stay little forever...and, no, I don't reserve any tears for the years of following a toddler around....but I do realize that time is beginning to whiz by a little faster than it ever did before....which is weird in the sense that when life is crazy insane it seems like you are stuck in a time warp with no end in sight (such as when babies keep you up all night....such as when they only want to be held while you're attempting to eat dinner....such as when you have to pack, prepare, buckle up, unbuckle, carry inside--just to pump gas--and then repeat the whole process backward just to drive back home).  And yet, when your kids are finally old enough to bathe themselves, afford you the luxury of eating an entire bowl of cereal in one sitting, and actually teach you things....well time just whips right past you before you even have a chance to glance down at your watch.  On the bright side....I don't have to buy clothes for inanimate objects anymore.....unless you consider a teenager an inanimate object!

The Long and Shorts of it

Oh the weather outside is HOT!  So off I went to buy some shorts for the kids.  Is it just me or are the girls' shorts getting shorter and the boys' shorts  getting longer?  When I held up my son's shorts they looked like capris on me!  And when I held up my daughter's shorts they looked .... well...we just won't go there! 
It's times like these when it is fun to have "one of each"...a son and a daughter.  I obviously don't have to listen to fights about having to share clothes.  But I do enjoy having a boy and a girl in my life.  Their interests and their personalities never cease to warm me.  They have inadvertantly opened my eyes to the differences in the sexes.  On a daily basis I am reminded of just how body conscious girls can be and how oblivious boys are.  I see first-hand how guys grab an article of clothing off the rack and buy it while girls have to finger every item in the store, try on one of each color, debate over an indecipherable hue difference, and then 'narrow it down' to the "final 15" choices.  Boys can get by on two pair of shorts all summer long while girls need multiple shorts in multiple lengths, colors, and textures.  And so the saga continues well into adulthood.  There is no use trying to figure it out....we are the way we are because that's just the way we are!
(That being said: this girl will not only be purchasing longer shorts this summer but they will be camouflaged as well!)

A Permanent Solution

We all remember our first perm...the anticipation and excitement of looking exactly like "that girl" we see at school mixed in with a little nerves---fear of walking out of the salon looking like a clown instead. But, we stick it out and allow our heads to be tortured in the name of beauty.

A couple of days ago my daughter got her first perm. She is in the middle of her 6th grade year and, like her, I got my first perm in the 6th grade too. Of course, my hair had just grown out from a Dorothy Hamill cut--but not by much because I walked out of the salon on the clown end of the spectrum. Needless to say I kept perming my hair until the middle of high school. At least my daughter's hair is all one length and falls just below her shoulders.

As she sat in the chair, as giddy as ever, it all came flooding back to me: my mother nearby and circling my chair--a woman well-experienced in the perm world. The pungent odor of the perm solution wafting all around me and covering everyone else in the salon--much like the scent of a skunk...it does not leave you once you've become victim to it. The long strip of cotton the stylist would wedge between my hairline and the extra tight rods...as if sealing my head with an O ring...a rubber seal that never really worked. She would then vanish to who knew where (though I know now it was off to a sectioned off lair where all kinds of goodies were kept). I can still remember sitting in that chair looking hideous in my tight perm rods housed inside a clear plastic bubble of a cap...as if I were a walking green house; the cold, yet burning liquid sneaking out from underneath the now soaked through strip of cotton. Do I dab at it? Do I let it drip? Do I wave my hands and try to get somebody's attention? Just when I thought I couldn't take the punishment any longer the stylist would emerge like Glinda the Good Witch and replace the cotton strip...and then, like Glinda, she would float away. And, finally, the time would come for a good rinse...relief at last...or so I thought. I don't think my neck has ever hurt as badly as it did when I was kid, lying atop my perm rods, in the crook of that hard as hell sink. But then...it was all worth it...this girl had curls.

Fast forward to my own daughter, now sitting in the chair. Her hair is as straight as a board (like mine) and the time has finally come. After an hour and a half the rods were removed and ... nothing. NO CURLS!
Right then and there my daughter's stylist said, "I'm re-doing this perm right now" (it was 7:00 at night). I told her thanks, but we could reschedule for another day/time. She insisted, saying, "If I was a girl who thought she was going to wake up in the morning with curls...then I would want curls!" What a woman!! The owner, who was walking out the door, purse in hand, turned right back around, set her purse down on the floor and offered to help. The stylist and the owner began working on my daughter in tandem...one on the left; the other on the right. I left the three of them alone and drove on home (I live about 5 miles down the road). my daughter's stylist lives a mile from us so she offered to bring my daughter home with her when she was finished. When I got the call it was well after 8:00 and I was out checking a hog trap with my husband, son, and a friend of mine and her son. We all jumped into our old army jeep and took off. It was cold outside and the moonlight was enough to light our way. We picked up my daughter and saw her smile before we saw her curls. In this day and age it is so nice to know there are still people who go the extra mile...because they remember what it was like to be a young girl.

There is something to be said about big hearted people working in a small town salon. A mother's thank you goes out to our stylist Karmia and owner Pam!

Life is Good

With the boys out of the house our home turned into an all girls' retreat last night. I was surrounded by my daughter, a friend, my sister-in-law, and my niece. I love being around women who love you back. After a day spent with my daughter at the movies, in the stores, and in a restaurant I ended up at my sister-in-law's house eating a delicious pizza she made just for us. After our meal we all walked over to my house--homemade brownies and Blue Bell's Coffee Ice Cream in tow. Our flashlights led the way as Snickers dashed in and out of our path. I threw down as many comforters as I could find and we all changed into our comfy-cozy pajamas and settled in to watch Mama Mia. After we had our fill of laughter and tears we headed to the kitchen and scooped balls of ice cream into our brownie-filled bowls and poured on the syrup...Life is Good!

While the Cat's Away the Mice Will Play

While some of us were nestled in our warm and cozy beds dreaming of far away places, others of us were jumping out of bed ready to face the day. My son is so excited to be able to go on a hunt down in South Texas with his dad, grandfather, uncle, and cousin, that he was dressed and ready to go by the time I stumbled out of bed. If I had not set an alarm he would have left without me ever knowing it....sons. I sat down at the kitchen table with him while he ate a bowl of cereal and I diligently took notes on what I needed to do to take care of his chickens in his absence. I loved seeing him eager and happy.

With all the guys out of the house for at least a day and a half-maybe two-My daughter and I will have some quiet time together. What to do? What to do? Later on this evening we have a girls' night planned at the house. We are going to watch Mama Mia and paint our nails. We might even pop some good old fashioned Jiffy Pop Popcorn. The fridge is stocked with mini Cokes and Sunny Delight...life is good! There's a chance she and I may make our way into S.A. to do a little bumming around--just because we can. But until the stores open their doors, and while she's still asleep, I think I may just enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and watch the Today Show...celebrating the first day of my vacation that I got out of bed before 10:00!!!

Big Shoes to Fill

I'm typing this from the comfort of my Mom and Dad's house. The kids and I come by often whenever we need to kill some time between after school activities. Tonight we're all going to listen to my daughter sing as a member of our school district's Honor Choir. Tonight will be her first winter concert as a member. She will be wearing a beautiful black velvet and crepe dress. I had to rush to Walmart between classes today to get her a pair of heels in order to compensate for the fact that we decided not to hem the inches-too-long dress. Since she had rehearsal yesterday I had to buy a pair of shoes without the benefit of her trying them on first. I ended up buying two pair-just in case. Both pair were too big so I made the exchange today and lucked out. I think we just may get by without stepping on her dress.

This reminds me of all of the times I had to "make do" as a young girl (and still do). One memory in particular has me trying out for the "County Queen" at the fair grounds. I was in a borrowed pink satin prom dress (of which I had to stuff the top portion with paper towels) and matching pink very HIGH heels that Mom and I had purchased at Solo Serve on San Pedro for $3.00. Since they did not have my size-but I desperately needed the height of the heel in order for the dress to fit-we ended up buying those babies (which I stuffed paper towels into the toe portion). I did not win the pageant but I should have won an Oscar for the acting job I pulled off walking "gracefully" down the aisle and up the steep steps.

Tonight, my daughter is going to have to balance herself well as she stands tall , and I hope that she feels beautiful and confident. I know the girls were encouraged to wear flats, but sometimes a girl just has to do what a girl has to do...and if that means making do with what she has then so be it! (And for the record: my daughter did look beautiful, and tall...but at least her dress did not drag the ground!)

BFFs!

I brought my 11 year old daughter along for an all girls' weekend with my two best friends from elementary school. We spent the night in Dana's lake cabin and it felt every bit like the quintessential pre-teen slumber party that it truly was! Being the only one with a daughter I wanted to include my daughter in the plans because she loves all things "girl." She adores my girlfriends and they return the love. I am so fortunate to be able to share her with them.

We massaged our feet, painted our toenails, played the flute, and flipped through magazines. We ate coconut meringue pie for breakfast and had Mike &Ike's candies for dinner. We laughed until we peed in our matching froggy pajamas!

We exchanged fun gifts the likes of peppermint hand sanitizers, vanilla creme lotions from Bath & Body Works, fun candles, and old copies of Judy Blume books as tokens of our lasting friendships! Per my daughter's request she and I picked up some cozy fleece pjs and stuffed animals for all the girls.

At one point in the night someone gave my daughter a Sharpie Marker with the instructions to "Mark the 1st person to fall asleep"...guess who dozed off first? Yup....'twas I.

Dana built us a roaring fire in the wood burning stove that sustained us all through the night. She and my daughter stood their ground and defended the cabin against the angry mob of hornets that once lived inside the pipe of the stove. We all played M.A.S.H. (mansion, apartment, shack, house), and we popped each other's backs. We fed the stray cats that hung out near the front door (though they looked as if they hung out at every cabin door--no ribs showing on these felines). As it turned out we were more than warm and slept, as I had earlier predicted, with the doors open. We had prepared for freezing temperatures and had the electric blankets to prove it. We discussed our favorite authors and we wend on a nature walk.

All in all it was a great getaway...it was great in the fact that I could have my daughter along with me while "out with the girls." It was great in the notion that good old fashioned corny silly fun is still great fun! It was a strong reminder that girls are girls no matter their age...we all just want to belong to a group of people who love us and accept us. We all need someone who we can confide in, tell our secrets to, share a ped egg with. I pray that my daughter will surround herself with some truly great girlfriends who will embrace her and encourage her the way my BFFs have done for me...and thank heaven...who do so for her too! Thanks, girls!!!!

A Bird in the Bag Is Worth More Than a Warm One In The Freezer

I have two best friends. One of them meets me for after hour book signings with famous people...the other invites me up to her lake cabin where we fling dead birds into plastic bags and chip away at a frosty freezer.

Allow me to explain:

In preparation for another girls' weekend at the lake cabin, Dana and I decided that it would be wise if we visited the cabin just to check things out before we arrive next weekend. Good thing we did because our first mission was to inspect the wood burning stove. Inside we found some leftover newspaper ashes, the metal tools we would need, and a dead cardinal. Our speculations ran wild with images of bird suicide and bird pranks gone bad. After putting many layers of plastic bags between her skin and the lifeless bird, Dana mournfully dumped the bird into a used Dick's Sporting Goods plastic bag. Since there is no such thing as trash pick up out at the lake Dana had no choice but to haul her bagged bird back into S.A. with her (While driving away I had Pet Semetary visuals flooding my thoughts).

It was significantly cooler inside the cabin than it was outside...so much so that I was secretly starting to have doubts about pulling an all-nighter here. I lived in an uninsulated house without heat (or air conditioning) for over 20 years and was painfully reminded of just how miserable it was. The very thought of having to sleep in three layers of clothes, a ski parka, ear muffs, a scarf, and woolen socks-underneath an electric blanket underneath a down comforter...not really tops on my list any longer. But there was a side of me that wanted to prove (to whom I have absolutely no idea!!!???) that us three women could survive a weekend in the cold. (Of course I had delusions of us sitting around the wood stove, wearing cute ,wintery socks and flannel pajamas, all sipping hot chocolate, looking fabulous, and laughing the night away).

Unfortunately I have come to accept the truth that scenarios like the one I painted above never happen to me. My real scenarios tend to have dead birds and frostbite in them (though not necessarily in that order). And so, speaking of frostbite, Dana spent the good part of an hour chipping away at the frosty freezer. While it looked pretty inside...very much like the gateway to Narnia, it did nothing to warm up the room. It did, however, make an excellent cooler!

After convincing ourselves that we'll only shower before we come to the cabin and after we leave the cabin we started to believe that we could handle anything. We made lists of items we'll need to bring. Items such as:

*a fire extinguisher

*electric blankets

*coffee

*ear muffs

*food

That should just about cover it! Stay tuned to learn just how next weekend turns out.

Straight Up

The stage was set: I rushed home after work, deposited my kids in the house,
touched up my makeup and then backed out of the driveway...I was on my way to San Antonio...by myself! I had waited all day long for the work day to end so that my living could begin. I was going to listen to Stephanie Klein, author of Straight Up and Dirty and Moose, speak at the Jewish Community Center for and hour and a half.

Imagine my surprise when one of my best friends in the whole wide world walks through the front doors! How cool was this night going to be?! This was THE friend who introduced me to all things inappropriate...all things taboo...ALL THINGS PERIOD!!!How perfect that she and I would be sitting in the front row listening to a woman use the f-word when describing her mother-in-law!!!

Even though my friend and I are within walking distance of our forties (me more so than her...dammit!) we can't help but to revert back to prepubescent girls whenever we get together. She shares my love of books, reading, writing, and movies, and we have always been there for each other. There is another "one of us" who was not present that evening, but who would have loved it just the same. There is something to be said about girls, womanhood, friendships, and bonds. We are so fortunate to have been able to have been in each other's lives, in one way or another, for over 30 years (gulp).

We are in the process of planning a girls' weekend at the lake cabin again so that we can shake loose the heavy hats that we wear. Each of us needs a safe place where we can let down our guard and just be. In each other's presence we did not have to hold in our stomachs and we can sit cross-legged without fear of comment. We are able to be who we are.

Stephanie Klein was very emphatic when she insisted that we are not our past or our mothers...we are who WE are. She drove home the fact that it is better to be not so perfect as long as we are happy with who we are. When she and I talked after she was finished speaking she looked me in the eye the entire time I was speaking---despite the fact that there was a line snaking around the corner. She listened and she laughed. She even suggested that, perhaps, she and I could get together for coffee...can you imagine?! You heard it here first folks!

I Met Stephanie Klein!!

Stephanie Klein does not know this, but she is THE reason that I went to the Texas Book Festival in Austin, Texas. Yes, there were literally hundreds of authors present, but she is who I went to see. After discovering her blog, greek tragedy, (http://www.stephanieklein.com/) and after reading her books Straight Up & Dirty and Moose, I just knew that I had to meet her. I completely "get her." While our worlds are completely different there are still many similarities.

When someone blogs the way that Stephanie does there is not much room for mystery. I feel as if I know her. And, after listening to her speak and getting to talk to her face to face, I am so pleased to know that she really is who she is. There are always those authors who are good on paper but are anything but interesting in real life. Stephanie is real and beautiful and strong and good. I am so thrilled to be able to (after spending so many hours perusing all of her pictures) have a picture of my very own of she and I together!!

I must say it was a personal thrill for me and she was very gracious to put up with all of my babbling. (Thanks Stephanie & best wishes to you!)

Lifetime Shavings Account

She shaved her legs today
Her soft blonde hair
Has washed away
Her legs now smooth
They glisten and shine
A growing child
That daughter of mine

Next she’ll want to paint her face
As she starts off in life’s great race
Always craving something new
Those younger years oh how they flew

Soon a car she’ll want to drive
And I’ll be left behind
No more my little shadow girl
This time I can’t rewind

And so I must learn to grow with her
To pave and lead the way
To make certain she always has someone
Who loves her everyday

Where once soft hairs rested
Dark spiky ones will grow
There’s just some unfun parts to growing up
A child simply can’t yet know

And so I gave permission
And helped her watch and learn
Unfortunately she’ll have to suffer
Her very first razor burn

At least some cooler weather
Is just around the bend
And long pants will be in season
And can be worn again and again

She begged and begged to shave those legs
Day in and day out
Now I’m the one counting the days
Until she loudly starts to pout

She’ll want to grow her hair out
Throw that razor out the door
It’s such an everyday ordeal
It’s quite the rotten chore

Thus the cycle of life starts spinning
And just when they finally grow up
They realize they actually had it good
‘Cuz grown up life just sucks

And this is just the beginning
There are many more battles to wage
If only one little razor
Could shave away our age

In My Hands

I feel doubly blessed...not just for having children, but for having a son and a daughter. Last night I did the snips and snails thing but tonight I needed a little more sugar and spice. After being in a blue mood for a while I decided to treat myself to some fake fingernails compliments of Walgreens. As soon as we got home and the kids started in on their homework I snuck off to the bathroom for a cheap girl's manicure session. I ended up with glue (I just know there is mostly SUPER glue in that little tube) everywhere except where it needed to be. This meant that had I wanted to go into the business where stripping away one's fingerprints was a necessity I very well could have applied tonight. This is where my daughter comes in. I needed her to pry the skin underneath my nails from the hardened glue on my fingers.

She absolutely loves to do all things "medical" and promptly set to work with an orange stick, some clippers, and a determined look on her face. Her only disappointment was in the fact that I had not bought her a set of fingernails in a box. (Can't you just see her in band with long, fake nails?!) (Of course she wouldn't be playing seeing as her flute is still being repaired--cha-ching!). She managed to get my hands looking and feeling much better in no time. She would have jumped at the chance to pamper me from head to toe but I insisted she finish her homework.

You see, my daughter is always wanting to make me feel better. She is always the one who looks at me with knowing eyes and rushes over to pat me on the back while whispering, "...it's alright Mama...it's alright." While my first instinct is to be angry at myself for not being the comforter, my next emotion is one of gutteral love. To have a child be there for you is quite a humbling experience. My daughter is the one who always tries to 'make it better.' She routinely offers to give me massages or make meals for me. She is the one who, several years ago, gave me the priceless gift of wonder: having always been the one who created the magic of Christmas mornings I got the treat of a lifetime--one morning during the month of December, my daughter got up real early so that she could turn on all of the Chrismas lights in the house so everything would be twinkling when I woke up. I absolutely love our Christmas tree and lights and always string lights inside all over the place. I had not walked into a room lit up with the wonder of Christmas magic since I was a child. This simple act meant so much to me and I carry it with me wherever I go.

From football tosses to fake French manicures it is evident I've got the whole world in my hands.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Just saw the movie, Mama Mia, last night. I am still humming the catchy songs in my head. I am feeling a little elated and giddy right now. The whole time I was in the theater I couldn't help but to think that this movie is so GIRL!!! It had just the right mix of all of the things that speak to our inner chick. I can't say too much because I would hate to be the one to spoil one minute of the movie for any of you so all I can really say is this: GO SEE IT!! Hurry up before anyone tells you about it!!

I will say this though-although I can't sing to save my life I want to walk around on my tip toes singing while I go about my day. I want to reconnect with my girlfriends and quit trying to be someone I'm not...I want to celebrate the me that I am. Wow! All this from a musical?!

One the best things about the whole experience was that I saw it with three other women friends of mine. Technically we are coworkers but after multiple years of working together and sharing our lives with each other I am proud to call these ladies my friends. I want to go back and take my daughter and my mother to see it as soon as possible. I even went so far as to buy the soundtrack on my way home! I can't even remember the last time I bought a CD...I think it was back before the Dixie Chicks made their "comments."

And now, what is a girl to do? How must I cope with the sad fact that my family is not very likely to twirl a mop or broom with gusto all the while singing their smiling hearts out about the thrill of cleaning house. That is about as likely as my husband wearing rolled up, baggy ,white ,cotton pants; shirtless and barefoot (think Pierce Brosnan here). I guess I'll just have to resort to memorizing the lyrics so I can belt it out while scrubbing our toilets...at least the acoustics are great in the bathroom ...Mama Mia!

And the Oscar Goes To

Oh she's good....my daughter has been laying on the guilt heavily. She wants so desperately to be included in my girls' weekend at the lake. She loves my friends and they love her back. While I am grateful to have been blessed with a daughter (both of my friends have sons) I am in great need of some adult time alone. I used to seethe whenever I would read those two words, "adult time," in my parenting books and magazines. I used to think "those people" were just selfish individuals who probably shouldn't have had children in the first place. I thought I was well on my way to an Oscar for my winning performance as MOM. Turns out I won...only it was an Oscar the Grouch award complete with silver trash can trophy.

Now I know better. Now I can honestly concede to the "conceited." Now that I have taken off my fog of motherhood glasses I can clearly see that "those people" were right. And Now I am one of them.

I am looking forward to the days when my daughter does accompany me on trips like these. I am looking forward to my friends embracing her and seeing her through all of the stages that we have already been through. I am blessed to have a daughter and I want her to want to be with me and my girlfriends. I just don't want it to be this weekend.

There is nothing wrong with sacrificing for your children. There is everything wrong with sacrificing yourself. I love my children dearly. I did not have them so that I could leave them at home to go play with my friends. The thing is this: I am in need of a recharge. I am in a season of reflection and growth. I just signed on for a role as MOM of TEENAGERS and I am hoping to walk the red carpet when the director calls it a wrap. In the name of research I am going away for the weekend...and I hope to come home with an Academy Reward.

Sugar and Spite

Girls...we are quite the confusing species are we not?

We will keep ourselves awake out of spite...but the only one who isn't getting their beauty rest is US! We will stew and stew but don't want to cook. We ask the questions but don't want the answers.