Closed for Nesting

I have just spent the night alone IN MY OWN HOME!!!  The family had been farmed out to various locations and I was the one who got to stay put!! Hee Hee...I'm so giddy I'm frozen to the spot.  I know that this time is precious but also fleeting.  The clocks are spinning way too quickly around here...I'm running out of time!!  I am trying to "relax" and enjoy the solitude but at the same time I'm wanting to be productive.  I'm trying to cram in a lifetime of wants in a short amount of time.  Yesterday I had a dear friend over and we were able to catch up, laugh, and visit uninterrupted....I know! WEIRD!!!! It was amazing!  After she left I could immediately feel the heaviness of the blanket of quiet that fell upon me.  Should I watch a movie of my choice? Nah...don't want to "waste my time" sitting and staring for 2 hours.  Maybe I could write a little...nope...have nothing to say since my day went without chaos.  I know...I'll read....nope....that'll only make me tired.  Bath?  Wine?  Organize?  Exercise?  Okay...delirium was obviously starting to seep in (organize?!...exercise?!) So I ended up doing what any busy mom with time to herself would do...I went to bed early...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED with my hands and feet touching all four corners....and I slept all night long!  It was glorious!!

Compact Car

I drive a VW Jetta TDI.  I love my car.  I truly do.  I love it for multiple reasons.  One of the top reasons is that it gets, on average, 47-48 mpg! This comes in handy during family roadtrip vacations such as the one we just returned from.  The four of us, two adults and two teenagers, rode in our compact car from the Texas Hill Country, through New Mexico, up into Colorado, and back again over the past week.  And we brought all our stuff with us.  I don't know what it is, but I absolutely have to have my stuff with me--as in surrounding me and touching me at all times...kind of like my very own jackdaw nest.  Only....I totally need my space!  This poses quite the problem for me because, although I finally packed "light" (instead of a gigantic suitcase on wheels I brought a small suitcase on wheels...and a duffel...and a "bathroom/cosmetic pouch"...and a tote for all of my reading material...and a small backpack for all of the charger cords for our electronics......)
Luckily my son has been immersing himself in all things Bear Grylls so he packed like a true survivor and basically left home with the clothes he had on his back, and binoculars.  My daughter, thank goodness, does not have the pack rat/girl scout mentality of her mother and could carry her "luggage" in both hands.  Since my kids' legs are now longer than their torsos there was no way I would be able to scoot or lay my seat back.  Even when sitting in the back seat with my daughter for a while I had to convince my spine that it was comfortable in a twisted position.  But, with the help of my eyemask, my earplugs, and a couple Advil too many I lived to tell the tale.  We had a great time and were able to see some pretty amazing things.  Like the time my daughter got to stare at the soles of my feet for a couple hundred miles.

NeverAgainLand

As the days passed it became painfully clear we must have taken the 2nd star to the left as we traveled straight on 'til morning.  We were nowhere near the likes of Neverland.  We had ended up in NeverAgainLand...AGAIN!  That's right folks, I took another trip to the coast...something I totally recall saying "Never Again" to last year...and the year before that.....

So why did I commit?  ...ah yes....I have KIDS....kids who like to go to the beach!  Kids who don't have to worry about packing, providing, or applying sunscreen in a timely manner because....well...because they have a brooding chick to take care of all that!  So, after a sticky day spent on the beach I immediately jumped into the fresh, clean, clear, refreshing water of the swimming pool...THE best feeling of the day!!  I was FINALLY grit free!!  After a few flips and handstands I noticed a couple sunning themselves on an upper deck.  I loved how the only thing I could see was their shadows through the mesh.  My first thoughts were of Peter Pan and his playful shadow.  Were these two people real? Or had they been reduced to mere shadows of their former selves? 

I enjoyed spending vacation time with family but I am not the world's biggest fan of sand, sweat, and sunburnt skin (see posts: "She's Gone Coastal" 6/30/08 & "The Beach is for the Birds" 7/29/09).  But as I observed the animated shadows in front of me I began to feel lighter myself.  I was rinsed, refreshed, and ready to proceed with the evening now that I had "bathed" myself in the pool (one less chore to deal with later on).  I started to realize that, like Peter Pan, our childhoods should be filled with happy thoughts and fun adventures.  Sure, there are ticking clocks around every corner and even a couple of pirates here and there wanting to steal the things we treasure most.  But if our treasures are our memories...well...no one can take those from us. 

And so, in an effort to gift my children with a summer memory of time spent with grandparents, parents, and each other...memories of body surfing, boogie boarding, and wave jumping...countless hours of dominoes, inside jokes, and giggling until the inevitable happens.....I took a trip to NeverAgainLand....again.

Land that I Love

On this, the 4th of July, I want to say that I love the fact that I am able to walk up and down the streets of a large and busy city and see beauty and history as I do. I have the freedom to visit places and teach my children about their world. I realize that I am fortunate to be able to do so as many others do not have such liberties. I am grateful that I live in a country whose men and women so honorably fight and sacrifice their lives for. Because of them my family was able to spend a day walking freely along sidewalks and streets marveling at all of the sights and sounds that crossed our path.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

To celebrate the homecoming of my kids after being away on vacation with their grandparents we all went downtown and enjoyed a day of sightseeing and eating...an intact family of four...together again...that is until my daughter and I were separated from dad and brother while trying not to vomit in public. Maybe it was the heat...maybe it was the overwhelming joy at being back home...who knows...either way my daughter got sick right as our dinner was served to us-outdoors-on the Riverwalk. After spending way too long in a public bathroom teetering over the toilet as to avoid actually having to touch anything my daughter and I decided to play it safe and cover the floor and toilet seat with some paper towels. Fortunately the bathroom had decorative Saltillo tile and was somewhat "decent" considering other public options. As I sat on the bathroom floor, beneath the diaper changing station, dabbing the back of my daughter's neck with a wet paper towel, in the "larger-more spacious" stall, I could not help but to think that I was being punished for reveling in and enjoying my "vacation" from parenting. It was as if the kids were retuned to me and then, in less than 24 hours, I was reduced to collecting E-Coli on my knees and bottom while foregoing dining in public. I was instantly reminded that I was a parent NO MATTER WHAT and that my duties still include being there and supporting my children...I just sometimes wish they would work on their timing!

Back in the Nest

My chicks are coming home!!! My brood has been away from home for 11 days-IN A ROW!!! Okay, I'll admit it...it was delightful...the being home ALONE part of it all. But, now that the time has come I am actually starting to get a little bit excited about seeing my kids again. This was the first time they have ever been away from home longer than a couple of days so it was a big deal for all of us. I can't wait to hear their voices and listen to their stories. Us Mamas want our chicks to venture out and scratch and peck on their own...but in the end...it's always good when they come back home to the nest.

SitCalms

There is something comforting about living in the year 2009 and still hearing the voices of the Tanner Family (a.k.a. the Full House Sitcom). It seems that show is always on in our house and it seems that whenever it is we all congregate on the couch. I can actually recall watching it when I was younger and being fully aware that their family dynamics were different. The kids' mother had passed away and that left Danny to raise his girls "alone"... along with Joey, Uncle Jesse, and Rebecca. We have come a long way from what was once considered a traditional living arrangement these days but as I watch the show now all I see is the loving unit that makes up that extended family.

The show focuses on learning lessons and on the feelings we all feel...especially as children, and on the relationships we build with people we care about. I wish there were more shows like this one on t.v. Whenever it is on I never have to be ready to produce a timely cough or sneeze to distract from a cuss word as is so often the case with "family" shows of today. But, herein lies the rub; the "family" shows of today are a direct reflection of many of today's families. I find it unsettling that so many kids are exposed to raunchy language and loose boundaries on a daily basis. Just last night, while at a grocery store check-out, I overheard one of the checkers behind me conversing with another checker. The first word out of his mouth was an expletive. I don't mean to come across as all proper and such because, believe me, I fell off that wagon long ago, but even still it jolts me-every time. Or could it just be that I am, gasp, getting older?

We Can Work It Out

What is happening to me?! I know that I am suppose to orchestrate "family dinners" and that it is crucial that we sit down together at the same table to eat dinner, etc., etc.,... it's just that I'm not real keen on preparing an actual meal. Quite frankly, after a full day of work, and after being a referee for a half-hour commute, my appetite is not at the forefront of my mind. I know that my kids are starving after a day at school but I just can't bring myself to "whip something up" the moment I walk through the door.

Take today, for example: I pulled into our carport reminding the kids that I expected them to take everything that belonged to them out of the car. This started a vicious and never-ending feud between my daughter and myself that resulted in me losing my temper and ultimately sequestering myself in my bathroom with nothing but a glass or merlot and a novel to keep me company (talk about a briar patch!). I eventually came out, but only because I heard my husband's truck pull up in front of our house. He wanted me to join him in a cardio workout and so I did. (Have you ever tried to do a cardio workout after a glass or two of red wine? Let me tell you is it a heck of a lot more enjoyable than when you are serious about burning the fat!). By the time the cool down finally came I had the "warrior one" yoga pose mastered! It's interesting that, while I did not break a sweat or breathe heavily, I do have the b.o. to attest to the fact that I did, in fact, work out today. (I'll sweat later tonight when those hot flashes kick in!)

I know, I know...too much information...well, get used to it. For those of you who know me well-you know that my life is an open book. Things that others would be too embarrassed to admit I gush forth freely. I just feel that life is real and that we are all human and we all experience relatively the same things...like it or not. And that is why I can honestly tell you that, as I type this, only my daughter is left eating her dinner alone at the bar. My son is already finished eating and is in his room. My husband is on the couch and I am upstairs in my loft writing away. We are all under the same roof. We are all visible from every angle. But are we really connected? It is my hope that this weekend will bless us with time and attention. I want us to be able to play a new game together (thank you, LaRue) so we can share and laugh and enjoy. I hope we can relax and slow down as we celebrate the birthday of our nephew and cousin. I hope we can catch up and love...and maybe, just maybe, we can share a meal together at the same table.

The Heart of the Home

I am typing this from my parents' house. The kids and I come here every Wednesday as a place to hang out while my son attends his weekly confirmation classes. Since this is not the house I grew up in it has more of a hotel feel to me. It is so clean and neat that, while I enjoy it, I also loathe it for the inadequacy it heaps upon me!! I know, I know...there is a chance my house will look and feel like this too...when my kids are grown and I'm 60 years old (notice I said there's a chance... I know myself too well to think that will really happen!).

When I am here the atmosphere is a relaxed one. When I am here the food is better. When I am here the pressure is off. When I am here I am me and I am loved. When I am here I am reminded of the saying "Home is where the heart is."

My childhood home was filled with laughter and love. Everyone in my family simply got along. I realize now how fortunate I am to have that kind of background, that memory, to carry with me into my own home.

Home is so important to me. There is nowhere else I would rather be than in my house. While I miss all that went on in the home of my youth I can't say that I miss the house itself all that much. It was not very hospitable. Even though it did not have central air or heat; nor did it have any insulation...it surrounded me with unconditional love. I was protected from all of life's elements while living there. I learned many great lessons living in that house...lessons that resurface daily. I am so thankful for what I have now and for what my parents have as well. Our respective homes are dreams come true. We have real closets and a thermostat. But it is not those things which make a house a home. It is the people who inhabit it. It is the camaraderie among family members. It is the moments spent growing up under the same roof. While there is certainly no place like home...home is definitely where the heart is.

Pressure Keeper

If I could check my blood pressure I know that it would be high right now...dangerously so. I can feel my heart beat pressing against my rib cage. My chest is tight and a burning sensation is spreading its way through my torso. Before you rush to make a 911 call let me assure you I am not having a heart attack. I am merely having a reaction to a preteen. I don't know what it is with children...the innocent little beings us mothers birth. We care for them; we love them; we nourish them; we want them; we delight in every little thing they do...and all of this before they are even born! And then-WHAMO! They get in your face and talk back to you and roll their eyes at you. WHY?! Why do they do this?! Why can't they just pleasantly exist...doing all that they are asked to do? I know I always did. And maybe that is the real problem here...I was just too good of a kid. Honestly I never felt that I needed to buck the system. I am still that way today. Could it be so simple as to say that she and I are wired differently? There are times when I am secretly glad that she is so strong willed and tough. I know it will benefit her in many ways as she gets older. I just wish she would understand that I am on her side...really.

Big Red Float

I had done so well

My reasoning valid

I gave up tacos

For a plain old salad

The ruffage was needed

My body would thank me

I was well on my way

To feeling so skinny

I swallowed my water

Eight glasses my quota

No more carbonation

No more evil soda

And then came my dad

Bounding into the kitchen

And wait 'till you hear

Just what he did mention
"How would y'all like

A Big Red Float?!"

I could instantly feel

The onslaught of bloat

But this was no time

To dismiss his request

For that would be rude

And I was their guest

While sipping my drink

As if I were three

I wished my parents

A Happy 42nd Anniversary!

Love

I've been thinking a lot about love. As a young girl I was very in love with the idea of being in love. When I was first in love I was very aware of what I was experiencing...I was always hovering over myself so as to be able to take it all in...store it up...and save it just in case I ever forgot what it felt like. When I had my first child those "in love" feelings came flooding back to me and, like before, I was aware of what I was feeling because I did not ever want to forget it.

To love somebody...unconditionally...it just feels so right. I appreciate all who love me-in their own way-and I love them for it. Some have shown love by scratching my back for what felt like hours, while others have shown love by hugging me tight. Some have loved by listening while I blab, while others have shown love by crying alongside me. I have family and I have friends...and I am so grateful for all of them.

Taking Stock

There is still so much to do
Yet nothing more can be done
The chickens have been fed
I'm so proud of my son
The chickens were crated
In the back of our truck
I hugged him goodbye and
Wished him good luck
The weigh in is early
The show is at one
No matter the place
My boy has won
He always worked hard
In the heat and the cold
He raised them from chicks
Only to be sold
I can write all about it
I can snap pictures with glee
But my husband is the one
Who taught responsibility
Together they labored
To prepare for this show
A boy and his dad
A memory did grow

...And To All A Goodnight!

There are only thirty minutes left and then Christmas will officially be over. I have been sleepy since 3:15 this afternoon. Now that we are back home I am fighting sleep so as to take it all in...the sense that something special took place here early this morning. The feeling that the wait was worth it. The cluttered home that can only be defined as "a good mess." Both of my kids are tucked into their beds-each content. My daughter has on just about every article of clothing received while my son is reading through a book on the history of Texas A&M that I gave him. There is nothing like falling asleep with a smile on your face and happiness in your heart. For me, I have both for I have witnessed these things while in the presence of my kids.

Merry Christmas!

Now that it is a little past noon I'm ready for a nap! Christmas morning came about 6:00 a.m. ... a mere 6 hours after my eyes shut for the night. And while I crave sleep and detest being roused from my slumber I do give exception to such a morning as this. My daughter was the first to pounce on my side of the bed insisting that "It's Time!"

Now that the kids are a little bit older I'm never really sure what to expect. Are they going to sleep until 9:00? Are they going to set their alarms for 4:00 a.m.?

It's fun to see and hear them still as excited as when they were 5 and 6 years old. This year the number of gifts beneath the tree was significantly less than previous years, but the total cost has remained the same. The items on their lists involved items such as ipods and video cameras. I justified such purchases by preparing the answers to the interview questions I was sure to be asked once my son became the next Steven Spielberg and my daughter the next Taylor Swift!

After the floor was littered with crinkled wrapping paper and opened boxes we all set to work reading our instruction manuals. I soon found myself being videotaped in all my bed-head/no-makeup morning glory...my rants forever captured and contained within an 8 gig memory card. We played the game of LIFE for 2 hours and we downloaded our favorite songs. We reluctantly got out of our new, cozy, pajamas, and prepared for Round 3...last night was spent at my parents' house-this morning at our house-today will be spent at my husband's parents'. The kids are happy...and so am I!

Merry Christmas to All!!!

Christmas Eve

It's Chrismtas Eve...finally! It's time to relax and be with family. It's too late to do anything else except wait so you might as well enjoy it! Even now my tummy is fluttering at the very thought of going to my Mom and Dad's---this is when I revert to the expectant child...and I LOVE it!!! It's so fun to be all things wrapped up in one: a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother...I get to be right there in the middle of it all and yet I have the benefit of being able to step away and view it all from a distance. The smiles on my parents' faces as they enjoy their role as grandparents; nothing makes them happier than making their children and grandchildren smile. Getting to see and hear shouts of elation as my kids receive the good stuff...just what they wanted all wrapped up in the love of the givers.

There will be food and there will be games; there will be laughter and picture taking sessions. There will be anticipation and there will be relaxation. The magic of Christmas is sprinkling down on us all...may it fall on you.

My Gifts

I was given two gifts of love
Sent to me from heaven above
One a daughter
The other a son
Two separate lives
Three hearts as one
From infants to toddlers
From preschool to teen
These children I've watched
Their lives I have seen
Soon they will be
Gifts to another
But forever I'll always
Be their mother

My Gifts

I was given two gifts of love
Sent to me from heaven above
One a daughter
The other a son
Two separate lives
Three hearts as one
From infants to toddlers
From preschool to teen
These children I've watched
Their lives I have seen
Soon they will be
Gifts to another
But forever I'll always
Be their mother

All I Want For Christmas

Why is it that when things are at their busiest time often stands still? By that I mean we, as a family, despite all of the unfinished tasks, were able to stop for a while and watch A Christmas Story. A couple of days ago my husband and the kids presented me with an early Christmas present: the DVD of A Christmas Story. We watched this classic last year and laughed all throughout. This year was no exception, and as the kids get older and older they really seem to “get it"…from every angle.

I am always touched by the ending when it is evident that one of the true magical moments of Christmas morning is seeing your children receive something that they really wanted more than anything else. That moment in time has to be one of the great rewards of parenting. Christmas morning memories stay with you no matter how old you get. It seems that we can all remember the sheer joy we felt when our wishes were granted.


I can remember bountiful Christmases and I can remember slim Christmases. Both kinds brought me happiness. The love was there beneath the tree in both cases. As I prepare for our Christmas morning magic I can’t help but to return to my childhood and want nothing more than for my kids to have that happy feeling burn within. I pray that they know they are loved unconditionally and that out of love they are not given every single thing that they want. I hope that their Christmas morning memories will travel with them wherever they go, and I can’t wait for them to each smile when they unwrap the very thing that they wanted more than anything else.

That's A Wrap!

I've made hot chocolate with marshmallows; I've maintained traditions such as "Secret Angels" (this is something we do every year: the week before Christmas we each draw names and for the next week we have to secretly do nice things for the person we drew. The big reveal is on Christmas Eve. This has everyone thinking about someone other than themselves and it keeps us all guessing who our secret angel is); I've wrapped gifts (first year to do so with a cat in the house...not so easy). We've played Yahtzee; we've watched James Bond marathons; we've stayed in our pajamas for 48 hours straight. Now all there is to do is last for one more day and then it will be the day before Christmas: Christmas Eve. The buildup and the anticipation are huge...no matter whether you are the child or the adult. I am very fortunate that I still get to be both.