Meanwhile...Back at the Ranch...

I woke up this morning with 42 minutes to spare before needing to rush out the door. In those 42 minutes I needed to wash my hair, put on makeup, fix coffee, eat breakfast, let the chickens out of the coop, feed the chickens, clean out the chickens' water containers, make sure the cat had enough fresh water for the day, and drive for an hour to a bridal shower. I made it to the shower at exactly 10:00 on the dot...right on time. Here's how I did it: I took care of all of the creatures first (I'd rather be late than have pets die on my watch). I probably still have shampoo residue in my hair, but I washed and rinsed as fast as one can with very little water pressure. I managed to locate the single, shiny, silver packet of Pop-Tarts hiding behind a box of pasta in the pantry--along with two travel thermoses--and had me a literal breakfast to-go! I had on enough facial bronzer to give the illusion of a restful and carefree lifestyle and enough lycra to hold in the midsection to give the illusion of a fit and firm existence. I was able to rummage through one of my many junk drawers and find a Crayola marker (unfortuntely it was the washable kind) in the exact shade of brown I needed to color in the exposed white plasticky portion of a broken heel on my single pair of brown strappy sandals. As long as I remembered to cross my legs left over right I would be able to keep up my charade as a put-together person.