Why?! Why?! Why did I do it??!! It's not like I had a gun to my head (though had I packed one...) I just returned from a "vacation" with the fam. I don't know about you, but whenver someone feels the overpowering need to tell me they "just returned from vacation" I have to concentrate real hard at keeping my eyeballs from glazing over to the point of crossing themselves. I don't mean to do it...it just happens. It never fails...these overjoyed people proceed to tell me about their meals, their purchases, their trips within their trips...and on and on it goes. I can hardly focus on their story because I can't seem to get past the bronzed skin, bagless undereyes, and refreshed countenance. I hate them. I have never had the desire to tell others about my "vacations"...all four of them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am freaking exhausted before, during, and after my "vacation."
Take this past week-when-will-it-ever-end for example. The morning of departure started off with me driving three and a half miles to the EZ Mart to buy some Benedryl for Roo (my little dog who had me worried that she was fading fast). By the time I made it back home Roo ran (you heard right..ran) across the floor, tail wagging, to greet me! I was so relieved! I still gave her a sliver of the pill (more for my conscience than her pain) and tried my best to leave my home as clean as I could. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law would be staying in our house (while they "bombed" their pop-up for ants...(this is sooo another blog entry!) in preparation for her parents' visit over the weekend. After my husband came home we loaded up and drove off to my parents' house where we took everything out of our truck and put it in their truck. My "pack light" manta had our gear taking up the entire extended bed of the truck, plus a "few" bags underfoot...just in case...one never knows when a pair of binoculars, notepad, squishy pillows, or book rest might come in handy. We only missed the exit once and had to back track our way to the ferry (we were trying a new shortcut for a change...the one where you don't have to ride the ferry).
We found our home away from home….it had a touch tone telephone with missing cords (as in no dial tone/worthless), a remote that was not synchronized with the t.v., and windows with missing curtains. The front office had a NO DOGS ALLOWED IN ROOMS sign prominently displayed in its window. And so Roo became my tightly bundled infant that weekend. I had to smuggle her on and off the property so she could poop and pee. I would literally wrap her in a blanket and cradle her like a baby until I was a block away. We existed in fear that housekeeping would knock, Roo would bark, we'd be found out and charged the $200 fine for harboring a fugitive, and the trip would be ruined.
It was quickly deduced that no one particularly cared for all things "beach" except for the kids (which, is why we suffered in the first place). At least they had a blast. I got sunburned on my shoulders and back (a first in many years) and my thighs are still blaringly white (ironic isn't it...my chest will peel but my cellulite will remain 'pure'). This meant that I had to wear a long-sleeved shirt the rest of the trip. I did not pack a long-sleeved shirt. This meant that I had to wear my son's lycra water shirt (like Under Armour---but not---it is the top dollar shirt's underprivileged cousin from Walmart)...the one he wore when he was 11...a boy's size 8-10. Note: I am not a boy...I am no child's 8-10. I had to have help pulling that thing on and off. It was awesome for the boobs, but not so great for the belly considering that the shirt did not quite reach the fold above my belly button.
Our third night "on the island" our daughter "felt sick" while at the beach and I had to have my dad drive her and I back to the hotel room after a pit stop at the IGA for some Emetrol (remember, we only have one vehicle). Did I mention our room only had one bathroom? There were four adults, an 11 year old girl, and a teenage boy. You do the math. There is so much more to tell but just the rehashing of it in my head has the right side of my neck burning as the muscle is beginning to knot itself. I think I'll fix me a "little something" to "relax my muscles" and then, when I feel up to it I'll fill you in on "the rest of the story"...that is, after I finish squirting off my suitcases and applying "Burn Relief" aloe gel all over my body.
Take this past week-when-will-it-ever-end for example. The morning of departure started off with me driving three and a half miles to the EZ Mart to buy some Benedryl for Roo (my little dog who had me worried that she was fading fast). By the time I made it back home Roo ran (you heard right..ran) across the floor, tail wagging, to greet me! I was so relieved! I still gave her a sliver of the pill (more for my conscience than her pain) and tried my best to leave my home as clean as I could. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law would be staying in our house (while they "bombed" their pop-up for ants...(this is sooo another blog entry!) in preparation for her parents' visit over the weekend. After my husband came home we loaded up and drove off to my parents' house where we took everything out of our truck and put it in their truck. My "pack light" manta had our gear taking up the entire extended bed of the truck, plus a "few" bags underfoot...just in case...one never knows when a pair of binoculars, notepad, squishy pillows, or book rest might come in handy. We only missed the exit once and had to back track our way to the ferry (we were trying a new shortcut for a change...the one where you don't have to ride the ferry).
We found our home away from home….it had a touch tone telephone with missing cords (as in no dial tone/worthless), a remote that was not synchronized with the t.v., and windows with missing curtains. The front office had a NO DOGS ALLOWED IN ROOMS sign prominently displayed in its window. And so Roo became my tightly bundled infant that weekend. I had to smuggle her on and off the property so she could poop and pee. I would literally wrap her in a blanket and cradle her like a baby until I was a block away. We existed in fear that housekeeping would knock, Roo would bark, we'd be found out and charged the $200 fine for harboring a fugitive, and the trip would be ruined.
It was quickly deduced that no one particularly cared for all things "beach" except for the kids (which, is why we suffered in the first place). At least they had a blast. I got sunburned on my shoulders and back (a first in many years) and my thighs are still blaringly white (ironic isn't it...my chest will peel but my cellulite will remain 'pure'). This meant that I had to wear a long-sleeved shirt the rest of the trip. I did not pack a long-sleeved shirt. This meant that I had to wear my son's lycra water shirt (like Under Armour---but not---it is the top dollar shirt's underprivileged cousin from Walmart)...the one he wore when he was 11...a boy's size 8-10. Note: I am not a boy...I am no child's 8-10. I had to have help pulling that thing on and off. It was awesome for the boobs, but not so great for the belly considering that the shirt did not quite reach the fold above my belly button.
Our third night "on the island" our daughter "felt sick" while at the beach and I had to have my dad drive her and I back to the hotel room after a pit stop at the IGA for some Emetrol (remember, we only have one vehicle). Did I mention our room only had one bathroom? There were four adults, an 11 year old girl, and a teenage boy. You do the math. There is so much more to tell but just the rehashing of it in my head has the right side of my neck burning as the muscle is beginning to knot itself. I think I'll fix me a "little something" to "relax my muscles" and then, when I feel up to it I'll fill you in on "the rest of the story"...that is, after I finish squirting off my suitcases and applying "Burn Relief" aloe gel all over my body.
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