I finally realized why I feel so trapped in the middle all of the time. Driving down highway 46 West this morning it suddenly dawned on me that I have lived a censured life. A lid has been resting on my head my whole life...and, like boiling noodles, the frothy white stuff eventually starts spilling over. I am spilling over...my thoughts, my anger, my frustrations, my fears...all of them are starting to boil and in so doing are lifting my lid.
I am a creative soul who resides in a structured environment--not a good mix. At this point in my life I actually want to be a starving artist. I want to long for, to search for, to strive and become. And if nothing comes of it...so be it. But I can't keep my passion bottled up any longer.
Since I work in public education I have always been aware of the fact that I am a role model to students...and while I enjoy that I also feel like I can't really grow as a person if I am always limiting myself if only for the sake of others. What about the me who wants to say what she thinks? (Well...I can't...because, quite frankly, it's never appropriate). What about the girl who just wants to have fun? (Can't do that either...not appropriate). And the woman who just wants to do that which makes her happy? (...you guessed it...not appropriate).
While I am not the over-the-top crazy bad girl, I still want to do something if for no other reason than because I want to...I want to without forethought...without a worry or a care. So, who, exactly has censured me? Has it really been me all this while? If it has then I only have two words for myself, "You're Fired!"
I am a creative soul who resides in a structured environment--not a good mix. At this point in my life I actually want to be a starving artist. I want to long for, to search for, to strive and become. And if nothing comes of it...so be it. But I can't keep my passion bottled up any longer.
Since I work in public education I have always been aware of the fact that I am a role model to students...and while I enjoy that I also feel like I can't really grow as a person if I am always limiting myself if only for the sake of others. What about the me who wants to say what she thinks? (Well...I can't...because, quite frankly, it's never appropriate). What about the girl who just wants to have fun? (Can't do that either...not appropriate). And the woman who just wants to do that which makes her happy? (...you guessed it...not appropriate).
While I am not the over-the-top crazy bad girl, I still want to do something if for no other reason than because I want to...I want to without forethought...without a worry or a care. So, who, exactly has censured me? Has it really been me all this while? If it has then I only have two words for myself, "You're Fired!"
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