A young girl walks up to the circulation desk, her hair perfectly pulled back into two small pony tails; matching ribbons in each. "Did your mom do your hair?" I ask knowingly. "Yes," she sheepishly smiles in response. I smile back and gush on and on about how cute it looks and how my mother used to do my hair when I was a little girl, etc., etc., et-barfing-cetera. Behind my smile was a green-eyed-monster chomping at the bits to force my hands across the counter in an effort to pull out the ribbons and undo the hair bands. You see, I am jealous. There...I said it. But I really don't know why. I am so split personality on this one. Allow me to try to explain:
I want to be a mom. Let me clarify: a GOOD mom. All too often I find myself slipping into the 'world's way of thinking' and that has made my life extremely difficult. Society 'tells' us that good moms are organized and doting. They lovingly prepare lunches...good lunches and they dress their children...in good, clean, matching clothes. Then there is the clincher: THEY DO THEIR DAUGHTER'S HAIR!! If report cards were to go out every now and then for how I'm doing as a mom I think I would rush to the mailbox so I could shred the evidence. Here's the breakdown:
*Lunches: toss up between too bad so sad, brave the cafeteria, or make it yourself.
*Clothes: pick it out yourself, wear it wrinkled, or go naked
*Hair: there's a brush in the car
I know what to do...I even know how to do it...but the life of a working mother (especially one who 'doesn't do mornings' all that well) is one of a never ending internal and external battle. Like a well-oiled machine that long since ran out of oil -nothing runs smoothly around here. But after years of running the hamster wheel marathon I can't help but to think that maybe, given the opportunity to stay home, I'd no longer want to prep, clean, or brush. Of course, the kids wouldn't need me to anyway...but at least, when I'm old and gray, they will be adept at making my lunches, picking out my clothes, and brushing my hair.
I want to be a mom. Let me clarify: a GOOD mom. All too often I find myself slipping into the 'world's way of thinking' and that has made my life extremely difficult. Society 'tells' us that good moms are organized and doting. They lovingly prepare lunches...good lunches and they dress their children...in good, clean, matching clothes. Then there is the clincher: THEY DO THEIR DAUGHTER'S HAIR!! If report cards were to go out every now and then for how I'm doing as a mom I think I would rush to the mailbox so I could shred the evidence. Here's the breakdown:
*Lunches: toss up between too bad so sad, brave the cafeteria, or make it yourself.
*Clothes: pick it out yourself, wear it wrinkled, or go naked
*Hair: there's a brush in the car
I know what to do...I even know how to do it...but the life of a working mother (especially one who 'doesn't do mornings' all that well) is one of a never ending internal and external battle. Like a well-oiled machine that long since ran out of oil -nothing runs smoothly around here. But after years of running the hamster wheel marathon I can't help but to think that maybe, given the opportunity to stay home, I'd no longer want to prep, clean, or brush. Of course, the kids wouldn't need me to anyway...but at least, when I'm old and gray, they will be adept at making my lunches, picking out my clothes, and brushing my hair.
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